Pet Sematary

•June 12, 2008 • 7 Comments

I am willing to wager a large sum of money that anyone who has seen a horror movie, has seen a film that has been an adaptation of a Stephen King novel or short story. Some of the titles include: “The Shining,” “Carrie,” “Cujo,” “Creepshow,” “Christine,” “Children of the Corn,” “It,” “1408,” and “Misery.” The list of King’s accomplishment goes on and on, much like his novels. “Pet Sematary” is another film that is based on the same titled novel by King. Much like the other films that have been based on a Stephen King book’s, “Pet Sematary” has become a horror film classic. Ghosts, a zombie cat, a murderous toddler, Herman Munster and a killer Ramones song in the film; what is not to like?

“Pet Sematary” is one of those films that many of my peers, myself included, were and still are afraid of. There is something very raw and basic about the film, everyone can relate to having a pet die. Even though some of the acting may be corny and the plot cliché, when you watch “Pet Sematary” late at night it is still chilling and eerie. It is definitely a classic film that should be apart of your repertoire.

In recent years there have been many parody’s of “Pet Sematary,” including the South Park episode “Spookyfish.” Where a pet store is built over an evil burial grounds, and the pets start to kill people.

Most people can empathize with loosing the family pet, it is not easy and no one wants to have a member of the family die even when it is an animal. Whenever an animal is hurt or killed in a movie, the audience’s reaction is shocked and traumatized. There can be dozens of people brutally murdered, but as soon as the fluffy house pet gets hurt, there is outrage. There is a reason marketing people say babies and animals sell, they really do, they are cute and sympathetic. In “Pet Sematary,” we see both killed and turn evil!

Louis Creed (Dale Midkiff) has been appointed as the director to the University of Maine’s campus health services. Louis and his family of four uproot their lives in Chicago and move to the small town of Ludlow. The family begins to settle into their new life and everything seems to be perfect, except that they live next to a highway with semi-trailers that roar down it constantly and there is an eerie cemetery behind their house.

Shortly after moving to Ludlow, the Creed’s lovable housecat, Church, gets hit by a truck. From the advice and with the help of their very strange neighbour Jud Crandall (Fred Gwynne), Louis buries Church behind the ‘pet sematary’, where there is an ancient Indian burial ground. One would think common sense would prevail and that burying the family cat in a heathen looking site would be out of the question. As predicted, Church returns back home alive the next day but not quite the same; he is an evil, blood thirsty zombie cat.

You would think that Louis would learn that burying bodies in the Indian burial grounds is not a great idea after Church returns as a snarling, hissing satanic zombie cat, but he does not. After a tragic accident, where Gage Creed (Miko Hughes), the youngest child in the Creed family is hit by a semi-trailer and killed, Louis is overtaken with by despair and thinks that he may try to re-animate his dead soon by burying him in the burial grounds. Even though Louis receives constant advice from a ghost who warns him to not go near the Indian burial grounds because the ground is sour, he goes ahead and excavates his son’s body to attempt to resurrect him. If something goes wrong resurrecting Gage, Louis decides he can just put his son to sleep.

The ensuing scenes after Gage returns to life as the evil Gage are quite chilling. The mayhem the tiny child inflicts is graphic and gory. There is nothing scarier than a child running around a house with a scalpel with the look on his face, like he is the Chucky doll. Louis is faced with the daunting task of cleaning up after his mistakes and making sure the dead stay dead; but will he learn his lesson?

Some of the most effectively terrifying scenes include the sequences where Louis’ wife Rachael (Denise Crosby) has flashbacks to her childhood when her older sister Zelda died. Rachael has continued to struggle her whole life being haunted by Zelda’s skinny, pale, very creepy looking ghost.

I have read a vast number of Stephen King books, including “Pet Sematary,” and the film stays true to the book. King likes to take an active role in most of the films that are adapted from his stories. In “Pet Sematary,” he is the film’s screen writer and makes a cameo in the movie as a priest.

“Pet Sematary” is clearly a tribute H. P. Lovecraft. King is a fan of H.P.’s work and often refers to often him in his works. There is clearly influence and parallels between the two’s works. There are many comparable aspects with H.P. Lovecraft’s “ Re-animator” (1985) and “Pet Sematary.” They are both stories about people who just cannot leave the dead alone and let “sleeping dogs lie.” Instead, the characters attempt to cheat death by bringing those they love back to life.

In the concluding sequences of the film Louis carries his recently deceased wife’s body towards the burial grounds and states: “I waited too long with Gage, with Rachael it will work this time. Because she just died.” This is clearly homage to “Re-animator” when at the end of the film Dan Cain decides to re-animate his recently departed girlfriend Meghan. Herbert West earlier declares: “He’d been dead too long. He wasn’t fresh enough.” The distraught men who have lost their leading ladies hope for a different ending than the prior attempts with other’s failed attempts to re-animate the departed.

Final thoughts: sometimes dead is better.

Cheers

Crestfallen

Cleavagefield update from the makers!

•June 9, 2008 • Leave a Comment

As you know, we posted a couple weeks back about an upcoming epic called “Cleavagefield”.

Since our posting, the director, Jim Wynorski has posted these comments here on Exploitnation:

“Thanks for the nice words, everybody. Taylor Wane is NOT in CLEAVAGEFIELD, however. It stars(among others) Amy Reid, Rebecca Love, Brandy Schaffer, Lucia Reyes and Julie K. Smith. Filming is complete and I’m now coming down the finish line on post. I think everyone will enjoy it – even the makers of CLOVERFIELD.”

Now we’re talking…two of my favorite ladies….

Miss Rebecca Love

and

Miss Julie K Smith.

All I can say is Thank you Mr. Wynorksi, Thank you.

Ps.  Wynorski also wrote my favorite movie of all time, Screwballs.

Charlie

Googlenation: Week of 6/1/08 – 6/7/08

•June 8, 2008 • 2 Comments

rubber puppets
puppet faces
rubber + fetish
bad moon movie
sorority babes leanna quigley
fred olen ray
“merrie lynn ross” “class of 1984″
dawn of the dead, nudity
return to savage beach
“bikini carwash company trailer
sexy girl fucking movie
sorority babes
robin stille sorority babes
julie strain
rubber babes
prom night iii
petticoat planet
halloween film
legend of zelda movie
angela aames
jenna jameson zombie movie
biker babes getting fucked
halloween
zelda + moon
linnea quigley’s horror workout
l.e.t.h.a.l. ladies: return to savage beach
bad zelda
dawn of the dead nudity
sexy rubber faces
julie k smith fucking
shae mark and carrie westcott
foreskin
fetish rubber
jim hanks
sorority babes in the slimeball bowl-o-rama
sorority babes
puppet ghoulies
sal viviano
my bloody valentine 3d

carrie wescott

snoop dogg hood of horror- caviar flick

fuck babes
carrie westcott sex
foreskin
babes in rubber
“the last kiss”
kitten natividad
return to savage beach
sorority babes in the slimeball bowl-o-rama

August Underground

•June 6, 2008 • 2 Comments

Most horror movies make me feel exhilarated and sometimes if I’m lucky, scared. But rarely am I disturbed as I was with “August Underground”. The film is beyond anything I have ever seen. I felt disgusted with myself for having watched the film. I was not scared, just appalled at myself for having viewed the movie as entertainment. There are those who can stomach the August Underground films and even laugh at them, that in itself I find very disturbing because there is nothing more to the movie than torture. I have had conversations with ‘novice’ horror movie fans about “August Underground” and they are in disbelief about my comments about the movie. True to their naivety, they believe the sickest movie(s) out there have to be the Hollywood gore fest movies by Eli Roth: “Hostel” and “Hostel II”. As much as I enjoy the “Hostel” movies, they have nothing on Fred Vogel’s “August Underground.”

The tagline to the film is: “the sickest film ever made” and it really is. The filmmakers take pride in the fact that it is such a sadistic flick. I have seen some really screwy shit over the years, but the first time I came across “August Underground” I thought it was a snuff film. I was sure it was real. What makes it so realistic is the amateur way it comes off, with the blips of home editing and unsteady handheld camera shots. The absence of credits and a soundtrack adds to it creep factor.

I am an avid horror movie fan and I love to be scared, see blood and gore and an over abundance of gratuity. But this film is something else. If you have seen any of the “August Underground” films you know what I mean. The films blow everything else out of the water. “August Underground” is far more unsettling and realistic than any other film that is pretending to be a snuff film, like the overrated Japanese horror movies, the Guinea Pig films. That being said, I am not a fan of Fred Vogel’s “August Underground” films. While it is absolutely the sickest shit I have ever seen, I think to myself so? Does gratuitous sexual exploitation and torture for an hour and a half make a film; well no. All the movie is is sick and nothing else.

“August Underground” was filmed with a handheld camera and the flick is meant to be the video tape from the personal private collection of a psychopathic serial killer. We watch whatever the camera man, one of the killers, decides to film, which includes cutting off nipples, raping hitchhikers and going about their day to day things, like going to a convenience store and a punk rock show. The acting is chillingly real. The story revolves around two nameless mid-twenty year old men who seem to get off on hurting, humiliating and torturing people. The incessant laughing and the need to constantly humiliate and defile victims is what make the villains so unsettling.

As far as plot goes, that is it, so I won’t bother with the specific details of the movie. So what is the point? There isn’t really any point to film. The fact that there is little plot in the movie is kind of sad and makes it fairly un-entertaining. I myself don’t get a lot of fulfillment from just watching torture, I need more. In my opinion, the gore and sadism of a killer is not what makes a horror movie good. The enjoyment I get from horror movies, is being scared and figuring out how filmmakers have successfully scared me. Well “August Underground” is not scary, you just shake your head and wonder why you are watching the film. While I am willing to give props where they are due, it is a true testament to a filmmaker that in the film nothing feels calculated or scripted and legitimately it does not feel like a movie. I just don’t think it is enough to make an amazing movie experience.

There is a theory circulating that “August Underground” rebukes the romanticized Hollywood horror that is constantly spewed out on film on a regular basis by offering all the a stripped down version of the normally glamorized genre. It presents the topic without any beauty, showing murder, torture and rape for what it really is; an ugly, disgusting thing. It is suggested that “August Underground” is an art piece and not a typical movie that you are meant to watch from beginning to end. The film is meant to make you turn the movie off in the middle and feel disgusted with yourself. This is an interesting theory, and is even supported by Fred Vogel and his family in the August Underground series. I can believe that theory to a certain extent. Okay – but here is my problem with that theory, then why make two other movies? Why make two other films in the series which are almost identical to the first. I think the art theory is bull shit.

While I am sure the concept of de-glamorizing horror is a something filmmakers were thinking of when creating the movies, I do not think it was the main reason for making “August Underground.” Let’s face it; it is a bunch of people who enjoy making horror movies as sick as possible for shock value. Fred Vogel, who wrote, directed, produced and starred as one of the killers in “August Underground” is a special effects make-up artist and is one of the most inarticulate speakers I have ever heard talk about a film they created. Quite frankly, I don’t think he’s deep enough to have thought so profoundly about the film.

The other two films in the August Underground series are, “August Underground’s Mordum” (2003) and “August Underground’s Penance” (2007). In “Mordum,” the biggest addition to the plot is that we see lesbians being tortured by three people instead of two. A warning for the weak stomach, there is chopping and slice of male genitalia. “Penance” looks more at one of the killers, played by Vogel again and his girlfriend going on a killing spree. Really, that is about it. If you have seen one of the films, you’ve seen them all. In fact, if you watch about five minutes of the original “August Underground,” you pretty much get the idea.

My final note: Good Luck.

Cheers

Crestfallen

Army of Darkness

•June 5, 2008 • 5 Comments

Ash is back!

What more needs to be said? We all know what to expect, us horror movie nuts have all seen “Evil Dead”, “Evil Dead II” and “Army of Darkness”. If you have not seen all three of the movies in the “Evil Dead” trilogy then you better think twice before thinking you are an avid horror movie fan.

We pretty much know what to expect with “Army of Darkness,” the third movie in the trilogy with our protagonist Ash (Bruce Campbell) chasing after his undead friends. In a lot of ways, “Army of Darkness” is a lot like the first two movies in the series, except the fact it is way more slap-stick. All three films were written/directed by Sam Raimi, except this time Ivan Raimi, Sam’s brother helped write “Army of Darkness” and they added more comedy. “Army of Darkness” is goofy, nonsensical, is full of satire and just plain fun. There is a heck of a lot less gore, but a ton more fun.

So why is it called “Army of Darkness” and not “Evil Dead III”? Well the main reason, is that Universal studios wanted the film to stand out alone from the other Evil Dead movies and attempt to branch out to new audiences who had not seen the first films, which is why there is a prologue at the beginning of “Army of Darkness”, to give us a bit of a background to the story. This makes sense seeing as the first two films were not that successful in the box office and filming studios lumped a lot more money into “Army of Darkness.” Raimi was not so thrilled at this technique, so he at least got to keep the very clever subheading of the film “The Medieval Dead.”

Despite efforts by film studios “Army of Darkness” was the least well received film of the trilogy and barely made back enough money from the box office to cover its budget. But in the spirit of cult films like “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” the film developed an intense fan base after the movie was released onto video and is still a cult classic.

There are those out there who meet “Army of Darkness” with cynicism and say it goes too far in the comedic, fantasy, action pack side and forgets its horror roots. I respectfully disagree and have to say, not all horror has to indulge in gratuitous blood and gore. Why can’t we have a good laugh every once and a while?

“Robin Hood Men in Tights” came out at the same time as “Army of Darkness”. Granted I know the two movies have different plots, but in a lot of ways “Army of Darkness” feels like a gorier, R rated, more horror-esc version of the PG-13 Robin Hood. They both have the same kind of slapstick, cheesy humour. Rumour also has it that Mel Brooks, director of “Robin Hood Men in Tights” met with Sam Raimi and discussed filming techniques. Coincidental? It is too bad that Robin Hood did so much better, because as much I like Mel Brooks’ films, I mean it is “Army of Darkness”!

As far as plot, “Army of Darkness” is a bit more complex than the first two movies. That being said, it is not as though you are about to sit down and watch “The English Patient,” but as far as horror movies go, it is a bit more intricate and you do need to pay relative attention the first time you watch the movie. The first time I watched “Army of Darkness”, I made the HUGE mistake of watching it first in the series. Fair enough, I was eight when the film came out, so I will use that as my excuse, but I was damned confused with what was all going on in the movie. It does make more sense and is a hell of a lot more entertaining and funny when you have the background information from EVI and EV2.

This time Ash, is a discount-store employee that is time-warped to a medieval castle beset by monstrous forces. Ash is first mistaken for an enemy but is soon revealed as the prophesised savoir who sets out on a quest for the Necronomicon (Book of Dead), which will dispel the evil forces. Unfortunately, Ash screws up the magic words when retrieving the book and releases an army of skeletons, led by his own Deadite (undead) counterpart. In an attempt to redeem himself and get back to the 20th century, Ash attempts to thwart the army of darkness by using his 20th century tactics. It is the ultimate battle between good and evil.

The movie has intensely bad graphics, but that is partly what makes the movie so good. Of course it is cheesy! The last twenty minutes of the movie, all I can do is laugh. Watching a battle between animated and puppet skeleton’s and Ash is too hilarious. The thing is, Campbell pull it off so well. “Army of Darkness” is “The Three Stooges”, meets “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

The reason that “Army of Darkness” still does so well, is because the script is dynamite. Campbell delivers some of the most recognizable and quotable lines in movie history, including “This is my boomstick!” But the real gem in the film and the only reason the Evil Dead series does so well, is Bruce Campbell. He delivers a performance that is so unique, memorable and solid, it is unlike anything I have ever seen. Bruce Campbell is Ash, the charming, charismatic Deadite fighter. Every scene in the film, has memorable moments with pure hilarity. I think if studios decided to remake any of the Evil Dead movies, they would be met with an army of people protesting the movie. No one can do it but Bruce Campbell.

My final thoughts: “Give me some sugar baby!”

Cheers

Crestfallen

The Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn

•June 4, 2008 • 1 Comment

This is it. This is my favorite movie. I bet I’ve seen it over 100 times. Clocking in at 86 minutes, Sam Raimi’s hyper-paced masterpiece Evil Dead II grabs you by the balls immediately and doesn’t let go. Not so much a sequel as a rewrite to 1981’s Evil Dead, ED2 has the same basic plot involving cabin bound humans battling demons and each other. Many people say the first Evil Dead gets good when Ash is the last one left in the cabin to fight off his demon possessed friends. Evil Dead II spends it’s entire first half with Ash alone, fighting off his demon possessed girlfriend and running from “the force” that lurks in the woods outside.

Why Bruce Campbell isn’t a major Hollywood star I will never understand. He has every-man likeability to him that few actors possess. I’ve even read his book “If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor” a bunch of times. It’s the book I always take on a plane with me. The parts where he talks about making the Evil Dead films and how they rigged the different effects is so fucking interesting. His other book “Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way” is an entertaining mix of fact and fiction, but not as interesting as “Chins.” But wait, you came to this site to check out movie reviews, not hear about book shit, so back to the movie.

Evil Dead II wastes no time with character development or setting up the scene. The movie opens with a short monologue about the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, or “Book of the Dead”. This book has passages that open a door to another dimension and cause people to be possessed by nasty demons. Ash (Campbell) and his girlfriend Linda (Denise Bixler) are driving out to a remote cabin in the woods for some love making the Bruce Campbell way. Ash finds a tape recorder with a professor’s voice on it reciting passages from the Necronomicon. He plays it, and the shit hits the fan. First, “the force”, an invisible entity we never see that floats through the woods and makes a WWWAAAAAWWWWW sound (voiced by Sam Raimi), crashes though a window and snatches up Linda. Ash goes outside to look for her, and she pops up all possessed looking. With no forethought Ash decapitates her with a shovel. I’ve always thought this part was funny because she doesn’t even touch him before he lets her have it. I mean, what if she’s just joking? Well, she isn’t because he sees her corpse come out of the ground and do a weird dance number. Then her head falls in his lap and bites him. Then his hand becomes possessed and attacks him. Then he cuts off his hand in one of several blood soaked scenes that earned Evil Dead II an X rating. It’s awesome! Campbell makes his own hand attacking him look really convincing, plus Raimi under cranks the camera to give the whole sequence a cartoon-like effect.

Ash runs out of the cabin and we hear what is probably the most famous badly dubbed line in horror movie history: “Workshed.” In the commentary Bruce talks about how on the set of “Escape From L.A.” the first thing Kurt Russell said to him was: “Say workshed.” Ash puts Linda’s head in a clamp and gives her the chainsaw.

The professor’s daughter Annie (Sarah Berry), her boyfriend Ed (Richard Domeier), tow truck driver Jake (Daniel Hicks), and Jake’s tough, tobacco chomping hussy (Kassie DePaiva), show up at the cabin and a freaked out Ash takes a shot at them through the door. They all bust in, see the bloody chainsaw, and assume Ash murdered the professor. They throw Ash’s ass in the cellar where Henrietta, (Ted Raimi in a crazy body suit) the professor’s grotesque, demon possessed wife, beats the shit out of him. Ash gets out of the cellar and Ed, the professor’s daughter’s boyfriend, becomes demon-possessed and eats some of tough chick Bobbie Joe’s hair. Ashley gives Evil Ed the axe and green blood spurts out. In a failed attempt to get an R rating, Raimi tried to use other colors for blood than red throughout the movie.

After a warning from the professor’s ghost, Ash’s severed hand shows back up holding Bobbie Joe’s. She freaks, runs out into the woods, and gets thrashed to death by vines. Kind of like in the original, but the vines don’t get “inside” her. Jake (Danny Hicks in one of the finest performances ever put on celluloid) insists they go out and look for her. He holds Ash and Annie at gunpoint and yells into the woods repeatedly “Bobbie Joe!” The creators make so much fun of Danny Hicks in the commentary you have to hear it. Plus the way this scene is edited is fucking hilarious.

Ash gets possessed, rams Jake’s head into a tree and goes after Annie. She ends up stabbing Jake accidentally, and Henrietta eats Jake. Ash turns back to normal and battles a demon possessed Henrietta for the pages of the Necronomicon. Henrietta turns into a monkey monster and gets her head chopped off. A rotten apple-looking monster appears and attacks Ashley. Annie reads the pages and a rift in time and space opens and starts sucking everything, including the rotten apple monster and Ash, into it. Ash ends up in the Middle Ages where Sam Raimi, wearing a suit of armor, flips up his mask and declares “Hail of him who has come from the sky to liberate us from the terror of the deadites!” The movie ends with a visibly distraught Ash bellowing “NOOOOO!” See, at first he’s hesitant to take on the Army of Darkness. But that’s another story.

What makes Evil Dead II so fun to watch and gives it tons of re-watch value is the frantic pacing. Ash is battling demons within the first five minutes, and it doesn’t stop for the next 81 minutes. The effects look better than any CGI studios are spitting out today and you can tell that Raimi’s team, including Scott Spiegal and Rob Tapert, really put a lot of time and sweat into making this movie. If you don’t own it, get your hands on a copy now. You may end up like me. I want to be Bruce Campbell in this movie and have all this shit happen to me. Strange.

**This review is of the blood red colored laserdisc edition of Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn. THE DISC IS BLOOD FUCKING RED! It’s the pride of my laserdisc collection. It’s my favorite movie in my favorite format. The commentary with Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and Scott Spiegel has some of the best movie making stories and funniest shit I’ve ever heard, and Bruce Campbell does a great Ronald Regan impression. There’s also a behind-the-scenes segment on the making of the film. The Henrietta suit that Ted Raimi had to wear took six hours to put on and was so hot that in one scene you see about a gallon of sweat pour out the ear of the suit. HA! Sam Raimi seems to get pleasure in torturing his brother, and most of all beating the crap out of Bruce Campbell. Raimi spends most of the commentary talking about it.

**Evil Dead II Trivia: Evil Dead II was filmed on the same plot of land as “The Color Purple.” The first seven minutes of Evil Dead II are meant to be a summary of the first Evil Dead. When Ash is standing in front of the cabin and the “force” or “entity” rams into him that’s the scene where Evil Dead ends and Evil Dead II begins.

Who’s laughing now?

DeadMike

The Evil Dead

•June 3, 2008 • 2 Comments

Ok, I feel foolish for even having to synopsize this movie, because if you haven’t seen Sam Raimi’s 1981 masterpiece by now-really, what the fuck do you do with your time?

Ok kids, here it is…although it’s been released, re-released, re-packaged then re-released many times, The Evil Dead is the quintessential balls-to-the-walls horror movie that EVERYONE should have a copy of on their shelf (even my mom has a copy). In case you didn’t know, here’s the deal…

5 friends all go up to a cabin for some sexy time and party-party stuff. The friends are 2 couples; Ash & Linda – respectively played by Bruce Campbell & Betsy Baker, Scott & Shelly (Richard DeManincor & Theresa Tilly) and their 5th wheel friend Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss). After some digging around in the old cabin the men find some old recordings from the previous tenants and the necronomicon (aka: the book of the dead). The crew sit around, drink wine, and listen to the tapes and unknowingly let loose some ancient evil which then kills them off one by one. All of them, except for our soon to be hero Ash (Campbell) who watches all of his friends die, become possessed then it’s up to him to kill them again. Really, that’s it in a nutshell.

Ok, where to begin…The Evil Dead created a movement not unlike Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th, in that the character of Ash Williams spawned not only two sequels, but also a musical, action figures, lunch boxes, video games, the launching of Bruce Campbell to become one of the most loved horror icons and even comic books (I read recently he is one of the most used characters in comics today with many team ups including the likes of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Marvel Zombies, Re-Animator, Xena, etc.) Sam Raimi went on to make a couple of films that you may have heard of (Spider-man 1, 2, 3 anybody?) as well as the previously mentioned Evil Dead sequels, and a few overlooked gems like Darkman and The Gift. And lastly, the women of the evil dead have turned their careers into becoming some of the most sought after celebrities ever to attend the horror convention circuit touring as The Ladies of The Evil Dead.

How this isn’t on the chopping block to be re-made yet, is beyond me, let’s keep our fingers crossed that it doesn’t. Why do I say that? You have to watch the film to fully understand…the cheaper than cheap effects, the Campbell/Raimi combo, the camerawork, the sound design…all these made The Evil Dead what it is, and why people love this movie. This is fucking magic put on film, and no modern combination of CGI and/or Michael Bay producing could ever recreate what they did back in 1981. Again, let’s keep those fingers crossed.

Where do you buy this film? Well…you can pretty much pick up a copy at any fucking store other than 7-11 so that’s not a hard one to answer. What version should you pick up? That’s up to you, I have the version that comes in a rubber necronomicon replica and I have seen that one still available from time to time. Either way, you have many choices making this a HUGE double dip on the DVD market…but…just stop reading this and go get yourself a copy-somewhere, please, before I fucking kill you myself.

Charlie “Kill her if you can, loverboy” Brown

PS. For a great companion piece to The Evil Dead be sure to read Bruce Campbell’s first book “If Chins Could Kill”.

Zombie Strippers!

•June 2, 2008 • 4 Comments

With a name like “Zombie Strippers!” what do you expect? The movie is as predictable as “Snakes on a Plane”, it has snakes, planes and Samuel L. Jackson angry on a plane and it delivers exactly what the title says. The acting in “Zombie Strippers!” is almost as bad as the script. The cinematography is terrible and I think for the first time Uwe Boll can give a hand on filmmaking. The movie is stupid, in fact – it is one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen, but I was expecting it to be, so I did not have a lot of expectations for the flick. But “Zombie Strippers!” embraces cliché jokes like in “Scary Movie,” but adds an X-rated twist. It is an entertaining B-rate horror-comedy flick, with clever dialogue, intense gore and over abundance of nudity.

The movie it is clearly a political and social commentary of writer, director Jay Lee. “Zombie Strippers!” begins in the not so distance future with Bush being elected into his fourth consecutive term as president. War is ramped and the US has declared war on every country in the Middle East, Canada, and the independent nation of Alaska. The problem at hand is the US is running out of people to serve in the army, so scientists have devised a solution which is to reanimate dead soldiers and use them to fight for them again. While this may seem like an interesting and prospective solution, predictably these undead creatures become zombies. The special unit force titled “Z squad” has been brought in to get rid of the zombies and unfortunately one of the soldiers becomes infected and escapes the group only to end up in an underground strip club, owned by sleezy owner Ian (Robert Englund.)

Kat (Jenna Jameson) is the lead stripper at the club and becomes bitten by the escaped solider. As a zombie she returns to the stage to continue to strip and only gets better; the men respond only now to the stripping of zombies. After popular request by the crowd, more of the girls turn over to the dead side to develop the uninhibited talent of a zombie stripper. The longer the strippers are zombies the more their bodies deteriorate and look like corpses and I myself, began to feel a bit sadistic as I am looking at naked zombie women dance around. Necrophilia? Okay – ultimately it is a comedy and you just can’t take it too seriously.

Political statement aside the film offers a decent plot, for what it is trying to produce. It is simplicity at its best. The movie is easily eighty percent, if not more, just of stripping. But with a title like “Zombie Strippers!”, if there was not an abundance of T&A I would be disappointed and feel slightly teased. The amount of nudity would boarder line on vulgar if the movie was not so funny. The amount of scenes with vagina, tits and ass being shoved in your face outnumber the ones with clothes. But hey – they go all the way, why half ass it. “Zombie Strippers!” makes no apologizes for being a dark comedy horror flick, it is uninhibited.

Jenna Jameson attempts to make a go at a legitimate acting career in films that are not in the back area of the video store that say “adult’s only.” SO – what does Jenna do, she stars in a film that has her with her clothes off for almost the entire film and you watch her rubbing herself off on a stripper pole. However – this newfound attempt to legitimize her career in mainstream Hollywood almost seems like a laugh at stripping industry and is actually quite funny. “Zombie Strippers!” seems to make a joke at the whole profession. Really it is worth it alone to watch the movie to see Jenna Jameson reading Nietzsche.

These are my own two cents on the stripping profession; I do not think that nudity and stripping makes women subordinate and objectified. These women are making a choice to make shit load of money off of men who are silly enough to toss away their hard earned money to look at boobs. Women may be viewed as objectified and pieces of meat, but what is entertaining is that these strippers in the film end up treating the men like pieces of meat by devouring them and treating them as nameless, faceless cattle. So – from a feministic approach to the film, I see the film as depicting women as domineering, powerful, independent women who do not need men for anything except a quick easy buck and a taste of blood. As more and more of the strippers become zombies, the way the women are exploited normally as hot-beautiful curvy voluptuous women the gore and gratuitous violence increases.

My final thoughts – It is “Night of the Living Dead” meets “Showgirls.” It is campy, sexy and gory and I love “Zombie Strippers!” Take that Stripperella.

Cheers

Crestfallen

Googlenantion: Week of 5/25/08 – 5/31/08

•June 1, 2008 • 3 Comments

rubber monster puppet
the muppet show theme
crazy muppets
kristi ducati intimate obsession sex scene
fuck me
shari eubanks
dallas connection
julie strain videos
julie k smith -economics
julie smith dallas connection sex scene
sorority babes in dance-a-thon of death
watch in the mouth of madness
bufords beach bunnies
halloween, 1978
ducati nude babe
watch the full movie of lethal ladies
night of the living dead 90
dead muppets
bettina brancato
shae marks in “return to savage beach”
“sorority babes” movie
“kristi ducati”
babes fuck
prom night 3 the last kiss
quarantine days drop dead gorgeous lyric
“virgin in his eyes”
halloween 4
rubber puppet
julie k. smith
slimeball sorority
laurie strode on the new halloween movie
prom night iii
good vs evil
guy moon
slimeball bowl-o-rama
laurie strode
rubber fetish women
weird babies
bad babes
halloween 24 years after
shae marks
halloween
julie k smith
halloween h20: 20 years later photos
“julie strain dallas connection”
“the petersons”
laurie strode
sorority initiation spanking
linnea quigley’s horror workout

Grave Robber – Be Afraid

•May 31, 2008 • 1 Comment

During my MySpace Music travels, I stumbled upon Grave Robber, a pretty small, four-piece horrorpunk band from Fort Wayne, Indiana. Much like the band I reviewed previously, The Epidemic, I was hooked instantly after listening to a few songs. The vocals are great and somewhat deep, there’s great harmonies, and the music’s just real catchy in general. Soon after discovering them, I found myself buying their 2008 full length, Be Afraid. After listening multiple times, I can say confidently that this is one of my favorite albums of the genre.

The album kicks off with “Skeletons,” after the intro bit “The Exorcist,” and with this song you have a fairly good idea of where things will go – to Awesomeville. It’s apparent that the lead singer, known as Wretched, really has some pipes on him. This cat can sing for sure. All things considered, this track isn’t one of the best, but it’s a good introductory one.

Next we come upon the song “Burn, Witch Burn,” which is more representative of what the rest of the album will hold. This song features the big choruses that we all know and love in the horrorpunk genre, with great little harmonies going on. These guys really don’t skimp on the catchy parts of their songs, which is a great thing. Unlike some bands where the “best part” is at one exact location, nearly all of Grave Robber’s songs are the “best part.” Nearly every song is catchy straight through, and this is something that lasts throughout the whole disc.

Other notable songs include “Schizofiend” and “I Wanna Kill You Over and Over Again,” though choosing just a couple songs off of Be Afraid is difficult, as there really isn’t a single bad one, or even a simply average one – I can honestly say I was a fan of every song on the album.

“Schizofiend” is a favorite due to its great vocal work and overall catchiness. I’ll find myself playing this song over and over again without even thinking about it; I’ll just naturally start the song over at the end because I don’t want it to end. Thankfully, Grave Robber listened to Christopher Walken’s cries for “more cowbell” on this track.

“I Wanna Kill You Over and Over Again” really slows things down, where a bit of an oldies influence is more apparent than anywhere else on the album. The main attraction of the song for me is the chorus, which is really just the song title sung a couple times, but the band manage to make it really pleasant to listen to, so much so that it can be called a highlight of Be Afraid. The music may be somewhat simplistic, but you really can’t deny that it’s catchy and fun.

And that kind of sums up Grave Robber in my view – they’re more alligned with the tongue-in-cheek, over-the-top bands in horrorpunk that just have fun with it without taking it all real seriously. Their silliness is apparent from some of the almost parody-like songs of theirs, the nearly GWAR-like costumes and band history, the out-there song material, et al. The music is fun and actually really good, with big choruses and harmonies abound. I hope Grave Robber continue to rise from here, and that more bands take note – bands like these are what makes horrorpunk what it is, and proves that it’s here to stay.

Check out Grave Robber on their MySpace, and get this album. You won’t be disappointed.

Leisure Suit Larry