Ils (Them)

(Editor’s Note: This review was originally written last year for our old site before “Ils” hit DVD in the US. Pardon some of the dated talk toward the end.)

David Moreau and Xavier Palud’s “Ils” (or “Them” in the US) had gained a lot of hype before its release in the States. Even afterwards, the praise only got better. It’s easy to see why, considering that this film literally puts you on the edge of your seat for a little over an hour. During this film, my heartbeat quickened, my eyes widened, and I even shit myself. Okay I’m lying…my eyes didn’t widen. But poo-poo humor aside, this film is genuinely craptastic.

Clémentine (Olivia Bonamy) and Lucas (Michael Cohen) live in their beautiful but isolated Romanian home where they spend peaceful evenings together. This all manages to change one night when a mysterious presence begins to harass our protagonists. At first, it’s simple; a few phone calls with no response except light whispers, the TV turning on and off, and their car being stolen. Spooked enough, they call the cops, but that’s when the electricity is cut and our couple has to endure the game of the mysterious “them.”

I know I didn’t do the plot any justice right there, but it’s seriously impossible to discuss this film’s story. It’s SO bare and genius that I almost feel like I’m giving too much away by that paragraph alone. It feels extremely realistic and it’s as if we’re experiencing everything that happens with the characters. We know as much as they know about what’s happening to them and we find out the resolution when they do. The film also uses a supreme lack of music to heighten its effect, but at the same time creeps you out by using various sound effects to emphasize the presence of “them.” The acting is great and extremely believable and generously adds to the film’s “what the fuck would YOU do in this situation??” idea.

The ending is quite shocking as well. I’m not giving shit away, but I was genuinely taken aback by this conclusion and the entire movie stuck in my mind for a long time. I’d highly recommend this film to any horror movie fan with a brain. If you’re expecting a fucking slasher movie or anything along those lines, you’ll be disappointed. This is a psychological horror/thriller that put me in the same trance as “Session 9” once did and kept fingers twiddling and my nails chewed.

Moreau and Palud are directing the upcoming “The Eye” remake, which now has me even more nervous than “Ils” did. Either I’ve misjudged their credibility, or these guys are going to make the first (and probably only) successful Asian-to-US remake. Either way, “Ils” is going to give “them” enough street cred for a long time.

Andrew’s Hidden Message: Get more “Beware of Dog” signs.

The ‘Burbs

Back before Forrest Gump, before Cast Away, Tom Hanks was funny. I’m talking about the Tom Hanks of the ‘80’s. The cross dressing Tom Hanks from “Bosom Buddies”, the Donkey Show Tom Hanks from “Bachelor Party”, and the trapped in a carpet in a hole in the floor Tom Hanks from “The Money Pit.” In 1989 he’s the paranoid suburbanite Tom Hanks in the dark comedy classic “The ‘Burbs” directed by the mighty Joe “Gremlins” Dante.

Ray Peterson (Hanks) just wants to spend his week off from work drinking a few hundred beers and smoking the occasional cigar. His wife Carol (Princess Leia) wants him to spend his vacation at a lake cabin with his family. Ray makes the smart choice and decides to hang around the house during his time off.

The Petersons live in a cul-de-sac with some unusual neighbors. There’s Rumsfeld (Bruce Dern) the military fanatic, Art (Rick Ducommun) the village idiot, Ricky (Corey Feldman) the stoner kid, and the Petersons’ next-door neighbors, the Klopeks, who may just be killing people. When Walter, an old man from the neighborhood, disappears Art gets Ray and Rumsfield all fired up thinking the Klopeks murdered him. The three decide to investigate their neighbor’s activities. Are strange things afoot or are they just paranoid?

Rick Ducommun is hilarious as conspiracy theorist Art Weingartner. He’s like Dale Gribble on crack as he fills Ray’s head full of theories of satanic ritual killings, Pagan ceremonies, and mutilations…..MUTILATIONS! He even causes Ray to have nightmares about being barbecued by the Klopeks while Art chants “Satan is good, Satan is our pal.” Ray is in more denial than Clay Aiken at a topless bar about his neighbors killing people until the wives convince our conspiracy theorists to join them in paying the Klopeks a neighborly house call. Something they should have done two months ago when the Klopeks moved in.

The Klopeks consist of Hans (Courtney Gains), Uncle Rueben (Brother Theodore), and Dr. Werner Klopek (Henry Gibson). Hans is a shy, pale teenager who doesn’t look like he’s been out in the daylight for years. Uncle Rueb is tense and gruff and seems annoyed by Tom Hanks and his snooping. Dr. Werner charms the wives while giving out a creepy Dr. Frankenstein type vibe. Carol Peterson makes polite conversation with the Klopeks, until Rumsfeld demands to know what’s hidden in the basement. Ray jumps up to take a piss and a huge Great Dane runs out of the basement and outside to attack Art who is snooping around trying to get a look in the basement windows. Ray thanks the Klopeks for a pleasant visit and they all meet back at Ray’s house.

Ray tells his wife he agrees that there’s nothing wrong with their neighbors and they should be left alone. Then Ray reveals to Art and Rumsfield that he found old man Walter’s toupee hidden in the Klopek’s house. That, and a possible human femur his dog dug up in the Klopek’s yard convince Ray that his neighbors may be up to no good. The next day the Klopeks all leave together to discuss Dr. Klopek being transferred. Then Ray’s wife leaves for the weekend and it’s time for the trio to go over the fence and not come back until they find a dead body.

First order of business is to deactivate the tripwires around the Klopek’s fence, then to dig in the backyard for bodies and check inside the house. Art almost electrocutes himself, but manages to disable the tripwires. Rumsfield watches on his roof with a semi-automatic rifle while Ray and Art dig up the backyard.

Stoner Feldman invites a bunch of his stoner friends over to watch the action unfold. Feldman plays a complete dip shit in this movie (big stretch), but is actually pretty funny and he does sport some sweet old school Vision Street Wear attire and a huge mullet. Throughout the whole movie Feldman obsesses over his neighbors’ activities, at one time stating that “This is better than anything on TV, this is my neighborhood.” He taunts Rumsfield causing him to fall off the roof and shoot out a car window to which the stoners all applaud.

Ray and Art don’t find anything in the backyard and decide to break into the Klopek’s house and dig in the basement. They find some loose dirt under the floor, and sure that they’ve found where Walter is buried, they dig away. Just when they hit something, flash to outside where Walter is arriving home from the hospital. See, Walter was having chest pains and was taken to the hospital unbeknownst to his nosy neighbors. Not hearing Rumsfield’s warnings on the walkie-talkie, Ray hits the gas line with his shovel and the Klopek’s house explodes.

The Klopeks arrive home with the cops in tow and see their house burning to the ground. Ray and Art are ok, but now face criminal charges for vandalism, destruction of property, you name it. Ray is put in an ambulance to be taken to the hospital, when Dr. Werner Klopek appears. Ray begins to apologize to Dr. Klopek for blowing up his house when the Doctor asks, “Do you take me for a fool? You were in the basement and you must have looked in the furnace. You must have seen my skulls.” Yep, turns out the Klopeks ARE killing people and burning up the bodies in their furnace. Dr. Klopek tries to attack Ray with a syringe and the gurney they’re on rolls out the back of the ambulance and down the street. The gurney crashes and Ray puts a citizen’s arrest down on Dr. Klopek’s ass for attempted murder. Feldman smokes a bong and finds a bunch of skulls in the trunk of the Klopek’s car. The cops see this and arrest the Klopeks.

The closing shot is a great pan out as we see Art explaining to news reporters on the scene that suburbanites are fighting back. They’re not going to put up with serial killers in their neighborhoods anymore. Then, squinty-eyed Feldman says into the camera “I love this street.” The camera zooms out to a planet Earth, THE END.

The ‘Burbs is probably the most underrated dark comedy of all time. Sure, it is funny as shit and light hearted in parts, but in the end it’s about a family of serial killers who move from place to place, kill homeowners and live in their house for a few months so Werner Klopek can perform experimental surgery on his victims. Give it a look, maybe there’s a Klopek family on your block.

**This review is of the laserdisc edition of “The ‘Burbs.” Know how you always hear that vinyl has better sound quality and picks up signals that are lost on CD’s and mp3’s? Laserdiscs are the vinyl of movie media.

**”The ‘Burbs Trivia: At one point Ricky (Corey Feldman) asks Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks) if he’s ever seen the movie “The Sentinel.” No, not the Michael Douglas political action shitfest from a couple years ago, but the classic horror movie from 1977 starring Chris “Fright Night” Sarandon, Chris “More Cowbell” Walken, and Beverly “I was actually in some pretty good movies outside the Vacation franchise” D’Angelo.

Don’t look behind you……

DeadMike

Severance

All right, guys. Let’s get serious here. Ladies, look away. When was the last time a movie gave you an erection? And no, I’m not talking about “Cock’N’Roll 4: Backstage Pass”. I’m talking about the last time you watched a horror movie and it rocked your senses so hard that your brain sent all of the blood in your body straight to your groin? If you can’t come up with answer, then you’ve never see Christopher Smith’s “Severance”. Not only is this one of the most inventive horror-comedies of the year, it’s one of the most inventive horror films ever made. Defying almost every horror cliché and borrowing influences from the greats, “Severance” not only means business, it kills a business.

A weapons business that is. The Palisade Defense sales team is traveling to Eastern Europe for a team-building weekend at Palisade’s “newly acquired luxury lodge.” If you’ve ever seen the UK or US version of “The Office” then you can immediately relate to the characters on the sales team. There’s Richard – the slightly cocky but passive-aggressive boss, Harris – Richard’s smart-alecky work nemesis, Jill – the passionate and opinionated “nerd” of the bunch, Billy – the soft-spoken but intelligent second-in- command-type, Gordon – Richard’s dorky ass-kisser of a lapdog, Maggie – the beautiful, sweet and rational one of the group, and Steve – the court jester type who isn’t even aware that he’s the court jester type, but takes copious amounts of drugs and says insanely funny shit.

En route to the luxury lodge, their bus is stopped due to a large tree blocking the road. After Richard gets into a heated argument with the bus driver, the group is left walking. They finally come upon a dump of a lodge but assume that it must be the place because it’s the only lodge on the map. While searching for the generator, Harris comes across filing cabinets filled to the brim with folders containing files of Serbian and various other militants. This sparks a dinner conversation about conspiracy theories revolving around the Palisades weapons company. A few characters each tell their own version of the story which is acted out wonderfully on screen in a variety of ways (i.e. silent film era style) but the story that has the closest bit of truth to it is Jill’s. According to her, after the Cold War was over, the area where they are staying was used to hold soldiers who enjoyed killing a little too much. Palisade provided gas and weapons to kill the soldiers who were “incurable”. Some escaped and are rumored to now be survivalists seeking revenge on Palisade for supplying the weapons that were used during the massacre. Then again, these are all just rumors, right? Perhaps. But when both a figurative and literal bear trap of carnage snaps shut on the team, they have to band together and prove that this weapons company means business.

I try not to divulge too much information about the plot because the story and build ups are so original that they have to be seen to be believed. The UK has produced some excellent horror in the past few years, namely “Shaun of the Dead.” Though “Severance” is far more primal and realistic than “Shaun”, its brilliant tongue and cheek humor keeps the two neck and neck and I mean every word of that. I’m a huge fan of “Shaun” but I can promise you that as many times as I have watched it, I’ve watched “Severance” double that amount.

The acting is brilliant, the characters are extremely believable and I found it hard to actually hate any of the characters which is a rarity in horror these days. Even Gordon, the suck-up assistant, becomes an integral part in the heart of this movie. The special effects are top notch and I guarantee you will never see a better severed leg than the one in this movie. Director Smith, who co-wrote the film, is a genius in his field. His first horror effort, 2004’s “Creep”, was a straight up horror film that was so intense and inventive, I’ve had trouble watching many horror films afterwards and not thinking they borrowed from it. Even “The Descent”, which I’m a huge fan of, has many similarities to “Creep” and its villain.

Thrown into the film is some obvious social commentary regarding warfare and weapons companies. One of the best lines in the film occurs when Richard attempts to defend the rumors surrounding the company. “Members of both our governments are on the board. They’re not going to do anything immoral!” Along with hilarious dialogue as such, there’s the insanely hilarious “rocket launcher” scene which I will dare not spoil for you viewers out there. Surprisingly, with all of this goodness stuffed into the film, my favorite aspect was how touching the film could be at times. This isn’t a horror movie where they throw us a pack of assholes who we want to see mauled to death. I gave a shit about every character and for once, I didn’t want to see a single person die in a horror film. Alas not everyone can make it out alive. But their deaths, though gruesome and sometimes hilarious, are handled with elegance and care and I felt my heart sink a notch every time.

Though I know Christopher Smith will probably not stay in horror forever, I can only pray he doesn’t forget about it. Anything he releases will have the Midas touch to it, but in an age where horror directors just don’t get it anymore, it’s amazing to see someone who understands what true horror is — bad things happening to good people.

Andrew’s Hidden Message: Creativity and care are the true weapons of filmmaking.

Trailer Trash: Raw Meat (aka Deathline)

Here’s a special Trailer Trash for you guys.

It’s dedicated to our loyal reader/frequent masturbator, Thomas Lovecraft, who has urged me to check out this film. While i shall watch the film tonight, i dug through my collection of trailers and discovered a 30-second spot for the film.

See folks, we at Exploit Nation care about you, our dear readers. Now let us have our ways with you.

So here’s to you, Thomas Lovecraft! Get spankin’…you only have 30 seconds…

Graveyard Alive

It is refreshing to see a horror flick written, produced and directed by women and includes female characters as the lead roles. The fact that women dominate the making of this film is worth it alone to watch Graveyard Alive. I am a huge horror movie fan, but I am well aware that the genre is dominated by men. I guess watching people getting cut up and mutilated in movies is not a dainty, gentile typical hobby or career for most women to be passionate about. So to see Elza Kephart so zealous about horror movies is just plain awesome. This is the first movie directed by the Canadian filmmaker. Be prepared that Graveyard Alive is a feminist approach to horror movies.

First off, don’t watch Graveyard Alive and take it too seriously. The film is the epitome of a B-rate comedy horror movie and it is trying to be a bad one. The movie has a 70s horror movie feel, Graveyard Alive is in black and white, the script is terrible and the soundtrack is completely off. The voices look completely lip-synced and ya normally in a big horror picture that would be roll your eyes stupid, but Graveyard is meant to be like this. It is so bad it is funny.

The story tells a tale of Nurse Patsy (Anne Day-Jones) who has never gotten over a broken heart from former beau Dr. Dox (Karl Gerhardt). Dr. Dox is now engaged to Nurse Goodie (Samantha Slan) who taunts Nurse Patsy constantly because Patsy is frumpy, shy and hides behind really terrible glasses.

One night, a woodsman with an axe stuck in his head, is admitted into the hospital under the care of Dr. Dox. While in the hospital the woodsman displays an attraction to Nurse Patsy and bites her and inflicts her with contagious zombie disease. In the true spirit of classic horror movies, we see a symbolic transformation with Nurse Patsy’s both with her physical characteristics and her personality after being bitten. While Nurse Patsy was normally an introvert, the disease spreading in her makes her become more extroverted and her sexuality comes to dominate her. She becomes a horny nurse who is interested in blood and sex.

In the spirit of movies like Zombie Strippers! (2008), Nurse Patsy’s frumpiness is transformed by getting rid of her glasses, cutting her uniform short and wearing seductive lingerie. Nurse Patsy starts exploring her sexuality and is able to talk to men now. Her attitude has changed, she is no longer a goody-to-shoes and men are lining up to date her. She is the new popular sexpot at the hospital. And all it took was to become a zombie.

I love the fact that even though Nurse Patsy’s behaviour becomes more and more bizarre by stealing body organs from the deceased to munch on and her physical appearance starts to deteriorate as she becomes more and more zombie like, men still want to get with her.

As Nurse Goodie starts to get jealous that Nurse Patsy is getting more attention than she is, she starts to realize that there is more to Nurse Patsy than just a physical change. As she starts to become aware that Nurse Patsy is a zombie, more and more of the hospital staff are killed off and or turned into zombies. The dénouement of the film includes Nurse Goodie being chased by poorly acted zombie’s and taunted to join the rest of them.

Graveyard Alive is as B rate as you can get. It is a dark comedy with horror elements to it. Be prepared to have to get past the campy vibe and the slow moving story. The movie does not go at light speed, but it definitely delivers. The second time I saw the movie I appreciated it a lot more than first, because there are so many comedic layers to it. The fact that the there are scenes with body parts used that are clearly plastic is just plain awesome. There is no roof in parts of the hospital and is clearly a basement. The signs, like to the morgue are obviously painted and poorly as is. Dr. Dox’s university degree was hand printed and written out, and clearly phony. Everything is so cliché and is attempting to be so off the top. The more you watch the film, the more you find these hilarious, elements of the sets and costumes that are meant to look bad and fake. Of course a lot of this is to do with the fact that it was a low budget film that took four years to make, but the filmmakers embrace their handicaps and work with what they have and make it funny.

My final thoughts on the film, all every woman really wants, whether she be nurse, senator, mother or zombie is just to be loved.

Cheers

Crestfallen

Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween Resurrection is the eighth instalment in the Halloween franchise. After over twenty years of great slasher flicks, Debra Hill and John Carpenter are back to write the newest Halloween movie, Halloween Resurrection. Michael is back in Haddonfield living underground in his old home and is reeking havoc one more time.

When I first saw the beginning of Halloween Resurrection I was really excited for the rest of the flick, but I realized the first sixteen minutes are the best part of the movie, because Jamie Lee Cutis provides a solid role. As soon as Laurie’s death occurs the movies goes down hill fast.

Halloween Resurrection continues after the end Halloween: H20 by explaining that at the end of H20 Laurie decapitates the wrong man. When Michael is presumed dead a paramedic assesses the body, but alive Michael lashes up to crush his larynx and switch clothes and place his mask on him. Three years after these events Laurie has been confined to a psychiatric hospital, catatonic and living with massive guilt for killing the wrong man. She has been patiently waiting for Michael’s return, which of course he does. However, this time finally after eight movies, Michael is able to kill Laurie. Laurie’s final words are “See you in hell!” So – who is left? What havoc does Michael have left to reek upon the world? Filmmakers decided to have Michael kill some random college students.

Six college students in Haddonfield are hired by a television company to spend Halloween night in the Myer’s house, where it all began. They are broadcasting a live interactive show over the Internet. The students are there to search for clues to try to figure out what made Michael go crazy and start murdering. In an attempt for the franchise to move forward and become more hip and modern, the semi-reality style is portrayed in a “big brother” manner with cameras in all the corners and people watching every move over the internet. This semi-mock at reality television is kind of interesting, but really why change the formula if you know what works? I found the movie trying hard to change its style and gimmicky.

Predictably Michael is living in the Myers’ house and one by one the students are sliced by Michael. The people who are watching on the internet do not seem to believe what is going on in the Myers’ house. They all think it is a gimmick, much like other reality television, so no one calls for help. The only help that they get is from Deckard Barton (Ryan Merriman) Sara Moyer’s (Bianca Kajlich) internet boy friend, who is texting her cell phone to let her know where Michael is in the house.

By the end the only two that are left are Sara and television producer Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) and Busta comes back to go Kung-Foo on Michael’s ass. I find that the comedic elements of the movie are far too many, and the plot and script is way too cheesy to be taken seriously. The feel of the movie is not at all the same as the other Michael Myers movies. There seems to be no point to Michael’s mayhem, unlike before, where at least there was a watered down agenda for Michael. Where the story lacked, the movie attempted to be made up in gore. The body bag count was at least well done, but I was almost cheering for the students to get maimed as gratuitously as possible, because at least that made for some intrigue in the film. Correction – the best part of the film is when we see Tyra Banks as Nora Winston, the other television producer, hanging in the garage with a pool of blood bellow her body. I have not cheered more for someone to die in a film since seeing Paris Hilton get speared in the House of Wax.

The ending of the film is awful. Busta Ryhmes spews out corny one liners and continues going kung-foo on Michael and electrocuting him on his genital region. The worst part of the movie was when Sara randomly finds a working chainsaw and starts spouting off “This is for Jen. This is for Rudy. For all of them,” and trying to fight Michael. It is the most awkward and pushed line I have ever seen in a movie and made no sense. You just have to roll your eyes.

No wonder Jamie Lee Curtis agreed to only do this film, only under the condition that Laurie Strode does not appear in another movie. Bottom line is, Halloween Resurrection is not scary, it is gimmicky and too corny for words. Granted the final scene of the film, when Michael’s eyes re-open when the body examiner is looking over his assumed dead body is classically scary. But the feel of the movie strays way too far from the others. The only suspense in this film is in what order the poorly acted and scripted university students die in. Halloween Resurrection does not do Halloween movies justice.

Trick-or-treat motherfucker.

Cheers

Crestfallen

Trailer Trash: Subspecies

One of the best series in the history of Full Moon, “Subspecies” told the story of vampire Radu and his claymation minions trying to check out euro-titties and drink some wicked blood from an amulet. He also had some long-ass fingers and a crucial lisp.

So stick your nosferatu where it doesn’t belong (Romania) and have yourselves a bloody mary, on the house from ExploitNation.

Teeth

I first heard about “Teeth” over a year ago after its initial premiere at Sundance when it was involved in a hardcore battle between studios trying to outbid each other for distribution rights. The plot was intriguing, the promise of gore alluring, and well…a man-eating vagina was just too hard to pass up in terms of curiosity. Unfortunately, this film is all bark and very little bite. Figuratively speaking.

“Teeth” is a cautionary tale of sorts, revolving around the soon-to-be exploits of goodie-two-shoes Dawn (Jess Weixler). Dawn, along with her friends, belongs to a pro-abstinence group that teaches children of all ages the importance of waiting until marriage. If you were like me and went to a private school, you’ll remember these fucking assholes putting on performances and speeches that made you wish you were in your Algebra 2 class instead of the gymnasium watching some dimwit used an apple as a symbol of purity. Dawn meets Tobey (Hale Appleman) through her friends and immediately crushes on him. Tobey claims he is a virgin “in His eyes” since he gave into temptation a year earlier. Soon, the two realize that the sexual tension between them is enormous and that they would be better off not hanging around each other. Next thing you know, they’re making out in a lake when Tobey, blue-balled beyond repair, goes a little too far and attempts to rape Dawn. A moment later, his dick has been bitten off and he collapses into the lake, eventually going missing. Dawn soon realizes that the myth of “Vagina Dentata” or in lamens terms, “Teeth in Your Snatch” may be all too real. Soon, she’s out like some vigilante heroine, biting the members off of those who are trying to exploit her purity…particularly in the case of her perverse and ill-tempered step brother, Brad (“Nip/Tuck’s” John Hensley).

I don’t see the big fucking deal about this movie, honestly. Dawn was the worst main character in terms of relating to her. As I said, the film is somewhat of a cautionary tale, and I understand the subtext of the film, but it all felt a bit too obvious and poorly written. According to “Teeth”, every guy you ever meet is going to either rape you, have a bet that they can sleep with you, or if you’re a gynecologist—stick an ungloved hand into your vagina to get their rocks off. I understand that movie needed a reason to have shit bitten off, but could you make it a bit more believable? Dawn’s an attractive girl, but I don’t think The Rape Squad would be that dedicated to one person’s vagina.

Watching this film, I’m reminded of why I’m not a virgin and why sex before marriage is actually an important thing. But I don’t think that was this movie’s goal. Watching these characters piss around about sex like it’s the end of the world is almost unbearable, subtext or not. The film also seems to exploit Dawn by constantly showing you close ups of her tugging the hem of her skirt or attempting to masturbate. It teeters on the verge of exploitation by trying to rile you up with this girl and her dilemma, so by the time they FINALLY show her topless, you’re just like “I really don’t care anymore.” The film has some decent gore sequences, but nothing to shit your pants over. If you haven’t seen a film with a severed dick by now, then you’ll probably be shocked by what you see. However, if you actually watch horror movies on a regular basis, you won’t even consider flinching. Oh well, it just gives Dimension Extreme more of a reason to distribute it.

Though I wasn’t blown away by this film, I would still recommend it to most of you looking for something slightly new. There’s quality acting, some great cinematography, and enough blood to get you by until the credits. But when the end of the movie comes, and Dawn finally looks at the screen with a realizing stare…you’re going to be quite upset that you already knew what she was thinking even before she did.

Andrew’s Hidden Message: Use it or lose it.

Googlenation: Week of 5/19/08 – 5/24/08

Man, ya’ll a bunch of weirdos…who knew there were so many julie k smith fan who can’t fucking spell…here’s this weeks searches ya creeps…

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Halloween: H20 (Twenty Years Later)

Twenty years after he first terrorized the town of Haddonfield and his sister Laurie Strode, Michael is back to strike again. This is the first Halloween film to NOT include Donald Pleseance (Dr. Loomis), who died shortly after the release of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (Halloween 6). There is definitely a different feel to the film without Dr. Loomis in the flick. There is no one to stop Michael now!

Forget Halloween 3-6 existed, the story line does not matter, nor do any of the characters in films. Halloween H20 is meant to be a sequel to Halloween II, which was originally titled Halloween 7: The Revenge of Laurie Strode.

Debra Hill and John Carpenter are back for the first time since Halloween II to write the film. You can really tell the difference in story and plot, when truly brilliant horror writers get ahold of a film. H20 gives a sleek, sexy new look at the Halloween movies. It is not surprising that the look and feel of the movie is different because Kevin Williamson signed onto produce the movie. H20 was released in 1998, two years after Scream came out and a brand new generation of teenagers and audiences were recharged for the slasher film. H20 really has a Kevin Williamson stamp on it. When you watch the film, there is a genuine Scream feel to the movie. Not that that is a bad thing, Scream is one of my favourite films. Steve Miner, director of Friday The 13th – Part II and Part III comes in to ad his touch as a director. I think the foursome of horror veterans working on H20 really brings something special to the movie.

There is no more bullshit. No more druid, telepathic, or Michael making babies with his niece crap. H20 has none of this weird sub-plot with a lot of confusion. It is just good vs. evil, the final showdown between Laurie and Michael.

Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) returns for the first time since Halloween II. We were under the assumption since the beginning of Halloween 4 that Laurie has died and her daughter, Jamie Lloyd, is an orphan living in a foster family. Well – forget all of that, Laurie faked her own death and has been living under the fake name of Keri Tate. It sure makes a lot of sense that Laurie would just ignore her own daughter while she is being terrorized by her brother, Michael. Talk about defying motherly instincts. But hey, it is a Halloween movie and it does not need to make a lot of sense. There are a lot of holes in the story. So for all intensive purposes, just forget that there were any movies after Halloween II.

It is now twenty years later and Laurie, has reappeared in Northern California working as the head mistress at a secluded private boarding school. She has changed her name, and appears to be living a normal life; she has a boyfriend and a seventeen year old son, Jon (Josh Hartnett). However, things are far from normal. The tragic events from twenty years before plague her mind and she lives in constant fear that Michael will come back to get her again.

It is Halloween 1998, Laurie’s son Jon and his friends are supposed to be camping out with the school, but have played hookie and decided to camp out in the school. Of course this is a making for a great killing sequence for Michael. H20 does not have as many killings as prior Halloween movies, but the intense edge of your seat scenes is much more intense. Sarah Wainthrope (Jodi Lyn O’Keefe), a friend of Jon’s, has a death sequence that is more of a thriller type of scene, but it still rocks. While trying to escape Michael, Sarah travels up an elevator shaft. Michael cuts the line and ends up trapping Sarah half out of the elevator, having her leg smashed to bits. She ends up getting diced to bits with a classic kitchen knife.

When Jon and his girlfriend, Molly (Michelle Williams) realize that Michael has unleashed havoc on their campout they flea the school. The scene where they are trapped between the outside gate and the inside of the compound is chilling. The two are stuck and Michael has their dropped keys. Just in time, Laurie manages to open the door from the inside and the two are safe. The three are able to escape the school grounds, but Laurie decides to go back to face Michael one last time in a fight to the death. Laurie ends up pushing him off of a balcony, much like the first movie. When the paramedics come to take Michael away Laurie takes the coroners vehicle away at gunpoint, determined to make sure he is dead. No doubt – in the spirit of Halloween movies, Michael is not dead.

Laurie decapitates Michael and the movie finally ends. I really enjoyed the ending and the final showdown between Michael and Laurie. The plot was not overwhelming and there were some comedic elements, such as LL Cool J., who is the security guard to the boarding school. I really truly thought that H20 was the perfect ending to the Michael Myers saga. But of course – they had to come back with Halloween Resurrection. In Resurrection we find out that Laurie did not decapitate Michael, but another man he dressed up in his outfit and mask.

Michael’s mask looks completely different than the other movies. I think it looks a hell of a lot better than it did in Halloween 4 and 5, but now he just looks different. Maybe to the untrained eye there is not a lot of differences, but to an avid Halloween fan I can tell! I loved the fact that Jamie Lee Curtis signed on to do this movie, which alone makes it worth while to watch. My thoughts – H20 is that it was the appropriate ending to the Halloween movies and I was disappointed that it was not.

Cheers

Crestfallen