Halloween (2007)

•May 17, 2008 • 7 Comments

When I first heard that Halloween was going to be remade I was as upset as when they remade Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why remake something that is perfectly good? Anyone who knows me knows that I am a massive fan of the original Halloween. I was as big of a sceptic as there could be and incredibly wary of anyone remaking Halloween. When I found out that Rob Zombie was going to do the remake, I knew right then that this film would be interesting and I would enjoy it. When I watched the film, I realized it was not really a remake; it is a revision of Halloween (1978- through the eyes of Rob Zombie). Rob Zombie was not trying to remake John Carpenter’s version of Halloween because he thought he could do a better job, but because he was so inspired by the original. To those critics and over enthusiastic fans who cannot get over the fact it is a re-working of the original film, get over it. It is a unique fresh look at an amazing story. Having said all of that, the downside to any remake is that too many people, especially the teenage and younger crowd, have not had the exposure to the original film and are under the assumption that Rob Zombie’s film is the original. I am always disappointed when people assume that movies like Prom Night (2008 ) and The Texas Chainsaw Masacre (2003) are originals, and in their naivety miss out on amazing works of art.

I am a huge fan of Rob Zombie’s work. I think he has an amazing eye and I see a lot of potential in his ability as a horror movie director. The Devils Rejects is one of my favourite films of all time. I love the artistic flair he adds to films. The dynamic character development is something I really appreciate about his work. The gritty dirtiness and the detail on the movie sets add a realistic feel to his movies and causes them to be more frightening.

The biggest difference between the original and the 2007 version is that Rob Zombie dwells a lot on Michael’s childhood experiences. We are shown a lot of the possible reasons as to why Michael ends up snapping as a child and mutilates his family. The original film does not offer a lot of answers as to why Michael does what he does. I appreciate the fact that John Carpenter does not lay everything out on the table for the audience. We do not know why Michael does what he does and why. In a lot of ways the fact we have no rationale and we have to use our imagination to figure out why Michael is a sadistic fuck, makes the original more scary. However, because Rob Zombie’s Halloween provides a plethora of deep character development with good acting and a detailed plot the film is quite chilling.

I think the time which was spent on the character development of Michael as a child and his time in the sanatorium makes Michael seem more human than monster, like in the original. The human quality Michael possesses makes him seem scarier to me, because some of what Michael experiences seems relatable; we have all gone through horrible experiences in our family life and our school life.

There are two parts to the film. The first part is the childhood of Michael Myers and his time in the asylum. The second part is the escape of Michael and his return to Haddonfield and tracking down Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton). The second half of the film is pretty much as expected, and very similar to the original. There are interesting guest appearances from Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, William Forsythe and Lew Temple who play two minute parts.

Unlike the original film, Halloween 2007 provides more details regarding the relationship between Laurie and Michael. We do not find out until Halloween II that Michael is Laurie’s sister, but in the 2007 version we found out in the second half of the movie that Laurie is the baby sister, Boo, to Michael. I think the reason that Rob Zombie did that is because there have been seven other films since the original and it is common knowledge that Laurie and Michael are kin, so there is no point to try to fool the audience.

I question why Rob Zombie cast his wife, Sheri Moon Zombie, as Michael’s mother; she plays a villain much better than a sympathetic character. I understand the rationale for the mother’s character. She is the only beam of light of hope and positivism in Michael’s life. There is almost a sense of denial that her son could be capable of all the mayhem and destruction. When she witnesses young Michael (Daeg Faerch) kill the nurse in the institution it is as though she finally realizes her son is the devil incarnate and her life is ruined. When she commits suicide she is the last bit of beauty and sanity left in Michael. He turns over to the dark side completely and hides behind his masks.

Donald Pleasence, who plays the original Dr. Loomis is unique and is as important part to the Halloween movies as Anthony Perkins is to the Psycho movies. He is irreplaceable. The part of Dr. Loomis had to have been hardest part to cast, however I was the most impressed with Malcom McDowell who played the hip, modern Dr. Loomis. I felt as though Malcom added a humorous element to the character

I was disappointed with the choice of Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie Strode. I found her character annoying and not in the least bit sympathetic. Laurie’s character in the original is a sweet, all American virginal good girl and I think Rob Zombie spent too much time explaining the early story of Michael and way too little on Laurie and none of Laurie’s sweetness in the original is there. Laurie’s character is pivotal to the story of Halloween and that side of the story fell short. That being said, it is hard to put aside the fact that Rob Zombie’s version of Halloween is not meant to be identical to the original, and nor should it be. But for some reason Scout’s acting bothered me; the acting seemed pushed and phoney. She was introduced too late into the story and it was hard to become sympathetic to her character.

Halloween 2007 definitely adds an interesting new look at the Michael Myers flicks, however the original is truly scary and edge of the seat stuff, because of the camera angles, music and mystique of the unknown. Rob Zombie adds a psychological element with grit, more detail and true to his name a lot more gore. If you are a true Halloween fan it is definitely worth checking out, but leave your predetermined judgements before turning on the movie.

Crestfallen

Halloween (1978)

•May 17, 2008 • 6 Comments

Halloween is one of the best horror movies of all time. It is a classic. Halloween is the Citizen Kane of horror, slasher movies. It is what started it all! Before Jason, and Freddie, there was “the shadow” aka. Michael Myers!

I remember watching Halloween for the first time when I was five years old and the film had already been out for twelve years. I had nightmares for weeks after watching it. Every time I turned the corner and or when I saw a shadow, I swear I saw Michael and I would scream. However, this fear of Halloween was short lived. The heart pounding terror that is only driven from horror movies became a staple in my life shortly after watching Halloween for the first time. I thank John Carpenter and Debra Hill for introducing me to a genre of film that forever intrigues me and never ceases to amaze me.

The brilliance of the movie is summed up by the fact that 30 years after the film first appeared in cinema, Halloween is still frightening even with the new modern techniques of filming. From a psychological standpoint I find it fascinating that John Carpenter used basic techniques such as lighting and sound to illicit such fear. The angles and camera shots Dean Cundey executes are eerie and disturbing and John Carpenter’s famous theme music also makes for a thrilling movie.

Tony Moran (Michael Myers) ads a great omniscient shadowy figure that creates a sense of terror. The fact that Michael is catatonic but his body language speaks so vividly and we do not see his face but somehow we see different facial expressions, accounts for Moran’s brilliance.

Haddonfield, Illinois 1963, Halloween night the horror begins. A young Michael Myers unleashes his sadistic terror onto his family. John Carpenter introduced a type of angle that horror movies did not have before, which is the view through the killers eyes. We see through the eyes of a young Michael insistently maim his family with a butcher knife. This view is chillingly eerie.

Fifteen years later after, fifteen years of Michael being locked up and not saying a word he escapes and is headed back to Haddonfield. His psychiatrist Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) is on the chase for him and knows what he is capable of. Unfortunately the town of Haddonfield does not believe Loomis and Michael’s mayhem commences.

Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is a 17 year old girl in Haddonfield who is an all American good girl who becomes part of the center of Michael’s terror. It is Halloween night and Laurie is babysitting some young children while her other friends are off fornicating with their boyfriends. The terror assumes and one by one, Laurie’s friends are executed by Michael. This unconsciously tells the audience that the good virginal girls survive and the one’s smoking, doing drugs, drinking and engaging in premarital sexual experiences end up getting mutilated by the boogeyman.

The town of Haddonfield does not seem to fully understand what evil is lurking in their town, and Laurie learns this too late. She fights back and refuses to let Michael beat her down. Jamie Lee Curtis definitely sells the part of the being the scared girl, and earns her title of the scream queen in my books. As Laurie is running franticly around the suburban neighbourhood trying to make sense of the situation and get to safe ground, Michael is walking calmly and quietly lurking in the distance with his knife in hand to get her. I find the calmness that Michael possesses terrifying.

In the true spirit of slasher films Halloween teaches us that the boogeyman never dies, and we are left with an image of Michael being shot down and falling to his sure death but of course it is not over. In the words of Dr. Loomis “behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply…evil”

Crestfallen

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

•May 16, 2008 • 3 Comments

“Killer Klowns from Outer Space,” released in 1988 by the Chiodo brothers, has to be one of my all time favorite b movies, and is rightfully considered a cult classic. It’s a great example of how a movie that’s probably bad in the eyes of serious critics is wholly enjoyable for those who can look beyond shortcomings. The great thing, though, is that its shortcomings can actually be considered strengths.

At the meat of it, the movie is about a group of aliens who resemble clowns who come to Earth from some distant, unknown planet in order to feed on the innards of humans by drinking ‘em with a crazy straw. Sounds great, right? It gets even better. To aid them in their quest for human juices they employ several silly weapons, like a raygun that resembles a toddler’s toy which zaps people into a cotton candy cocoon, another gun that fires popcorn which eventually grow into these ridiculous things that look like a clown head on a multicolored spine, and pies that are capable of melting human flesh. Oh hell yeah.

While foolin’ around at a place called “The Top of the World,” which is just your typical teen movie makeout spot, Mike Tobacco (Grant Cramer) and Debbie Stone (Suzanne Snyder) notice something that looks like a comet rocketing through the sky. Debbie convinces Mike to go find where it landed, and off they go. Upon arriving, they’re shocked to discover that instead of a crater sits a random circus tent. They go inside and notice several odd things, one being a massive room that “looks like a nuclear reactor,” and another room that houses cotton candy-like cocoons which contain the bodies of people.

Obviously fucked up from this sight, they run to get the help of Debbie’s ex-boyfriend, Dave (John Allen Nelson), who is now a cop. The three of them then try to figure out just what exactly is going on while simultaneously trying to stay alive. On an odd take of Romero’s “headshot zombies to kill them” rule, the clowns can only be killed by shooting them in their red rubber noses. And apparently they can only be killed by Dave, as he’s the only one in the movie to kill any clowns at all. Once the clowns start harrassing and kidnapping the town’s citizens, it’s time to put an end to it. One classic abduction scene involves clowns delivering pizza to a lady’s house, but, little does she know, there’s a small clown in the pizza box ready to pop out and make her into a cotton candy cocoon.

Soon afterwards she will have her insides drank by way of a crazy straw.

All in all, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” is one tongue-in-cheek b movie that fans shouldn’t be without. The soundtrack sounds like it was done by a 14 year old who runs a Dragonball Z fansite on Angelfire, which is almost necessary in a b movie of this sort. It has the cheesy 80s dialogue, it has goofy kills, it’s got stereotypical teenage characters (like the idiot Terenzi brothers), it has an absurd premise that’ll make you laugh even without seeing the movie, and, last but not least, it delivers.

Those ICP juggalo nerds got nothin’ on these cats.

Leisure Suit Larry

Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror

•May 15, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Now, don’t deem me a racist, but don’t you generally find that all black comedies are exactly the same? I loved the first “Friday,” but to make more than one sequel without Chris Tucker just for money’s sake was a bad move. I know the films are still popular, but they follow the same plot lines and run them into the ground completely. “Barbershop” was another exception that laid new ground for black comedy, but I’ve seen enough “Booty Call’s” and “All About the Benjamin’s” to where I can guess the plot just from the box art: Guy needs money, guy hooks up with zany friend to hatch a scheme, after so-called hilarity and failure ensues, they somehow luck out and strike it big. Guy ends up with a beautiful crush who originally thought he was just a player, wacky friend ends up married to the annoying fat woman he originally ignored. Everyone lives happily ever after. However, 1995’s “Tales from the Hood” took black comedy and turned it into BLACK comedy. It took serious issues like gang violence, police brutality, racism, and domestic abuse and flipped it on its ass by crafting hilariously morbid but emotionally stirring segments. Had we more films like “Tales from the Hood,” there would be a lovely mix of black comedies/drama and horror flicks for everyone to enjoy. I mean, really, who can watch “Blacula” and not feel a little guilty? Well, thanks to recent films like “Gangs of the Dead,” black horror may have a chance to become more fully developed and become a staple in the genre. But this review isn’t about “Gangs of the Dead.” Oh, no, friends. This is about a little ditty called “Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror,” and I don’t really know any hip street terms, but this movie is ___________. (fill it in yourself, dick.)

Now read this sentence carefully: This movie is pretty awesome. No, I’m serious. It’s pretty fucking good. I’m not talking, like, “The Bicycle Thief” good, but it’s extremely entertaining. We’re given three different stories, all hosted by Mr. Dogg (cleverly deemed the Hound of Hell) himself, that follow the exploits of some “hood”lums and the consequences that they must face, dished out (in essence) by the Hound of Hell.

The first segment follows a Latina tagger (graffiti artist) named Posie (Daniella Alonso from the upcoming “Wrong Turn 2”), whose artistic tagging is being spray painted over by various gang members, namely Fatcap (played by Noel Gugliemi, that guy who plays a Mexican gangbanger in every movie ever made, including but not limited to, “Bruce Almighty”). Though she’s not intimidated by their actions and cruel demeanor, she still doesn’t have the power to do anything about it until she’s abducted by Derelict (played by Danny Trejo, the other Mexican guy who is in every movie ever made) who gives her a very bizarre arm tattoo that allows her to take down gang members by simply spraying an X over their tags. But will the power be too much for her to handle? Will she misuse her new gift? Will Noel Gugliemi stop taking typecasting roles as “Paco” and “Mexican Convict #1”? I think we all know the answer. Aside from a very simplistic plot, this segment features some pretty wicked death scenes; namely a thug falling on and being facially impaled by his own forty. So the gore definitely keeps this chapter of the “Hood” alive and well.


In the second segment, Tex Jr. (Anson Mount, “All the Boys Love Mandy Lane”) and his bimbo wife are hot to trot after his war hero father dies, leaving his inheritance to Jr. Unfortunately for the southern-drawling, Caucasian-nation enthusiast, his father’s will has one stipulation. To collect the money, Tex must live with four Gulf War veterans that were under his father’s command. Once they pass away, the money is his. To make things worse for Tex, all four men are “colored.” So, Tex and his lady move into the large, yet, modest home and immediately begin renovations despite protests from the vets, namely Roscoe (Ernie Hudson). They tear down the walls upstairs and turn the vets’ room into one giant suite for just the two of them, leaving the ex-troops camping out downstairs. They only comply due to their allegiance to Tex Sr. who they still highly admire from their time in the Gulf. However, when Jr. begins pushing them to their limits, their honor goes M.I.A. and they embark a new and grisly mission. But in the end, who is going to be judged by the Hound of Horror? Tex, or the vets? This segment is much better than the first because first off, Tex Jr. is a fucking cock. This guy has no Southern charm whatsoever and his idea of Southern Hospitality is enough to make you want to kill him. This story is a lot more comedic and dark humored, which gives it an awkward but silly atmosphere. The kill count may be low, but the death-by-caviar scene is well worth the trade.

The third and final segment revolves around an aspiring rapper, Sod (Pooch Hall) who, after praying to God for a sign, meets Quon (MAD TV’s Aries Spears) who gives him the motivation and connections to become a world-famous rapper. Flash forward a few years and Sod is now a big deal. He’s up for an award and we also find out that his ex-partner Quon was killed in a gas station robbery. A cocky Sod wins the award hands down and retires to his dressing room to party the night away. But things get strange whenever he’s visited by Clara (Lin Shaye of “Dead End” and “2001 Maniacs” and on a personal note, one of the few 60+ year old women I would like to woo) who makes not only his guests disappear, but the door to his room as well. Forcing him to sit down, she says that when he prayed to God for a chance, he said he would become a better person. But after showing him a few video tapes, we realize that to get to the top, he committed some pretty uncouth deeds with the help of his bodyguard, Jersey (former pro-wrestler-turned-actor Diamond Dallas Page). Soon, his past comes back to haunt him and Sod has to decide if he wants to end his career in a blaze of glory or gunfire. This segment of the film is really quite good. Aries Spears’ performance as the “it’s not about fame, but passion” oriented Quon is very noteworthy; even his flow when he raps sounds legit. There’s a cameo by Jason Alexander as a record producer with a slapped on half-ass Australian accent as well. But considering that it’s about how to play the game of going from nothing to a big something, I think it’s probably the most apropos story for Snoop to host.

Altogether, “Hood of Horror” is something to behold. Though it doesn’t make as nearly of a drastic statement as “Tales from the Hood” did, the film still has its roots buried in the subtle commentaries of gangs, senseless violence, and racism. Lots of violence and good special effects are put into use, as well as animated scenes that spread throughout the segments. With all of its surprise guests, gore and humor, “Hood of Horror” might have what it takes to put black horror on the right side of the tracks.

The Hidden Message: All this talk of black comedy has put me in the mood for some Robin Harris (rest in peace, brother). Someone get me a copy of “Bébé’s Kids” pronto!

Tales from the Hood

•May 14, 2008 • 1 Comment

“Chill or be chilled.” Back in 1995 O.J. was acquitted, Jerry Garcia finally admitted he was dead, and Rusty Cundieff released his gangsta-horror masterpiece “Tales from the Hood.” An anthology or four racially charged themes, all in a nice wrap around package.
“Tales” begins with a wrap around story involving three gang members heading to a mortuary to pick up a stash of drugs that the mortician, Mr. Simms, (Clarence Williams III) found in an alley. While Mr. Simms leads Bulldog, Ball, and Stack to where the dope is hidden, he tells the stories of some of the corpses in the mortuary.

The first story is of Clarence (Anthony Griffith), a rookie cop who, on his first night patrolling, witnesses three other cops murder a civil rights leader and cover it up. Clarence quits the force and becomes an alcoholic. Way to go Clarence! Clarence keeps hearing the voice of the murdered civil rights leader, Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright), calling to him saying “Bring them to me!” Clarence agrees, and gets the three murderous cops to meet him at the cemetery where Moorehouse is buried. “I brought them, are you happy?” Clarence asks Martin’s tombstone. Then, while one of the racist cops is pissing on his tombstone, undead Martin Moorehouse explodes out of his grave and rips his dick clean off. Marty’s corpse chases down the remaining two bad cops like some terminator-zombie hybrid. When Clarence asks zombie Moorehouse if he’s satisfied, the undeadinator replies “Where were you when I needed you, brother?” and proceeds to choke Clarence. Flash to a sanitarium where we see Clarence enjoying the comforts of a padded cell.

The next tale is of a young boy named Walter and how he gets the shit beat out of him by “In Living Color” cast member, David Allen Grier. Walter’s teacher Richard (Rusty Cundieff) doesn’t like the recurring bruises he sees or the pictures of monsters he’s been drawing. Walter believes that if he draws a picture of whoever’s fucking with him and destroys it, that will kill said fucker. Good guy teacher Rich decides to pay Walter’s mom (Paula Jai Parker) a visit, a sort of parent-teacher house call. Walter’s mom gives Dick a boner, and Walter’s step dad Carl (David Allen Grier) doesn’t appreciate it too much. Richie gets kicked out by evil step dad and hears Walter and his mom getting beat up so he runs back into the house to help. Carl beats Dick within an inch of his life when Walter twists up one of the monster pictures he’d drawn, and Carl’s body gets twisted up too. Dick then pops up and tells Walter to burn the picture. Hot Carl burns up and everyone lives happily ever after. Grier is fucking evil in this one as the abusive step dad, a role that is the polar opposite of everything else he’s ever done.

Back at the mortuary, our wrap around story continues as Stack, Loco, and Bulldog are getting impatient with Mr. Simms’ stories, and just want to “Get the shit.” Mr. Simms assures them that they will be “knee deep in the shit” and proceeds to tell the straight up gangstas a story about dolls.

Our third story stars Corbin Bersen as Duke Metger, a David Duke type asshole running for governor. Bernsen is hilarious as the racist politician acting out every racist cliché in the book. He takes up residence on an old plantation much to the chagrin of protesters. This plantation’s house contains a large painting of an old woman and her dolls. Legend has it that when the slaves were freed, the plantation owner went nuts and started murdering his slaves. A local voodoo woman transferred the souls of the murdered slaves into little dolls. One man warns Duke of the dolls that will serve him his comeuppance in the old house. Metger laughs this off, until his paid Image Maker dies after tripping over a doll. He then is attacked by a small wooden doll that chomps at his neck flesh. Duke ties the doll to a dartboard and blows it apart with a shotgun while spewing racial slurs. Meanwhile, the picture in the house of the old lady and her dolls is missing more and more dolls. More dolls attack Metger and eventually devour him while he tries to shield himself with the American flag. This segment is ripe with symbolism and social satire, but is also just a great story about cannibalistic dolls eating some dickhead who had it coming.

Back at Simms Funeral Home, our gangster-trio is getting fed up with the story telling and want the dope. “Fuck a Barbie, where’s the shit?” Stack says. Simms leads them to another corpse that was the result of gang violence.

Crazy K (Lamont Bentley) is a ruthless drug dealer who kills whoever gets in his way. In a shoot out one night, he gets his ass capped but gets saved by “the mutha-fuckin’ police.” He goes to prison, and agrees to take part in behavioral modification experiments. Cundeiff pays homage to horror classics as K is driven to a medical facility that bares a striking resemblance to the House on Haunted Hill. Crazy K is bound up and exposed to violent imagery a la Clockwork Orange in an attempt to cure him of his violent ways. Well it doesn’t work, and K is teleported back to the point in time right before the cops save him and gets smoked by none other than Stack, Loco, and Bulldog. Fearful that he’s going to call the cops on them for killing Crazy K, the gangster trio bitch slap Simms and pull guns demanding the drugs. Simms leads them to three coffins. Where else would he hide it? When they open the coffins, Bulldog, Stack, and Ball find their own corpses laying in them. Turns out that after they killed Crazy K the police killed them. Clarence Williams III then let’s them know where they really are with the famous line “Welcome to Hell, mother fuckers.” Simms morphs into the devil and the boys start to burn.

“Tales From the Hood” is like “Creepshow” in South Central. The stories are well done and, like “Creepshow”, all give the evil characters their comeuppance. That, and some serious over acting by Clarence Williams III make this one of the best horror anthologies of all time. Check it out if you like your horror anthologies and “pass the bud you little bitch!”

**This review is of the laserdisc edition of “Tales From the Hood.” The laserdisc I bought off ebay was cracked and the seller gave a full refund after I emailed a picture of the cracked disc. Then I found another LD copy and bought it. So I have one copy for the wall in my bar, and another one to watch. Sellers with 100% ratings will do anything to keep that perfect rating.

**Tales From the Hood trivia: The laserdisc deluxe edition has a separate audio track with commentary by creator Rusty Cundeiff. DVD’s can suck it with their compressed format.

D.A.G. = Tough guy?

Managing to stay right outside your peripheral vision,

DeadMike

Humanoids from the Deep

•May 13, 2008 • 3 Comments

Salmon monsters…Yes…Salmon monsters…1980 was a great year…just ask anyone who remembers the cover art for “Humanoids from the Deep”(aka “Monster”)…a sexy lady, spread on a bed with two evil eyes looking over her…man, I miss those days…

…To say I was impressed by Humanoids from the Deep would be an understatement. I mean, within the first five minutes a dog and a 5-year-old child are killed off by a “monstrous” hand (that looks like small underwater Godzilla)…talk about breaking taboos (killing a kid AND a dog!? I LIKE IT)… So anyway, here’s the run down, a small fishing town (which honestly looks like the SAME Canadian town in “My Bloody Valentine” (surprisingly it was filled in Cali!?) are all bitchin’ about whatever the fuck has been scaring the fish away. It seems this town is THEE salmon town…a new cannery is moving into town, (to the dismay of the locals), and a scientist Dr. Susan Drake (Ann Turkel) has been working “upstream” on how to make Salmon larger, grow faster, reproduce more, etc on behalf of the corporation. When the local dogs start showing up dead (and covered in seaweed) a local native American; Johnny Eagle (Anthony Penya) accuses the liaison; Hank Slattery (Vic Morrow) between the company and the town, of killing off his dog, and raping his people’s land. Apparently, Slattery is going against the treaty signed by the town and Eagle’s reservation. Next thing you know…people are getting drunk…people are dying…and fish monsters starts raping women on the beach!!! It’s insane. You can pretty much guess the rest, genetic testing on salmon created these horny monsters and they are just trying to protect themselves against man and the evil developers. It’s all good fun.

The gore is ok considering the time, but by today’s standards they are comparable to anything you can do at home with a kit from a local costume store. I think it would be VERY easy for the film to get boring, but the editing is cut so close together, you feel like you are watching a Russ Meyer film (minus the buxom women but with a man in a gill suit-you can’t have it ALL in one movie.) The scares are mostly jump scares but what do you expect? I mean, the monsters just aren’t scary, they are fun to watch reek havoc but they aren’t scary…that said…The monsters DO spend a hell of a lot of time on screen in well-lit areas which is awesome. I always love it when a monster gets a lot of screen time, it’s like the producers aren’t ashamed of what they are trying to convince us is a “monster”. Another plus for Humanoids is that Ford Thaxton’s score is on par with most slasher films from that era…in that it makes you jump when you are supposed to, makes you tense when are you supposed to be, makes you sad when you are supposed to be, and even makes you laugh (not sure if you are supposed to be or not but I am thinking the writers did not envision a comedy).

Typically, I am more disturbed by rape scenes in movies, but the scenes in this movie are arguably laughable. I mean picture a wet Godzilla dry humping a cute blonde covered in wet sand and that’s exactly what you get. I think it would be a cop-out to say it is not offensive because it was directed by a female (Barbara Peters-who went on to direct one of my favorite TV shows; Misfits of Science!), but apparently producer Roger Corman fired Peters when she refused to re-shoot and insert the nude/rape scenes so those were directed by Jimmy Murakami… I just think it’s not offensive because it’s silly. Salmon monsters? Seriously?

I almost refuse to believe this film is NOT Canadian. It reeks of Canadian television mellow drama, just with some sex and a guy in a rubber suit. In fact a lot of the actors even appeared on Canadian TV and Canadian films in the 80’s. That said, this movie is fucking awesome. In a time when slasher films were so prevalent, a monster film such as Humanoids from the Deep is so welcome…oh and the cutie who played “Bootsie Goodhead” (Linda Shayne) in Screwballs is in Humanoids as “Miss Salmon”…If that isn’t enough motivation to track this down then I don’t know what is.

Charlie “He’s probably out there making it with a Buffalo” Brown

Friday the 13th shoes…?

•May 12, 2008 • 1 Comment

The good news you can buy some new shoes…I guess…

The bad news…well…it’s not really bad…but…I mean…Friday the 13th shoes?  Really?

Read the whole article here-if you want…ugh.

Bummer Nike can’t just mass produce Monica (Freddy vs Jason) Keena.

Charlie “These boots are made for walking” Brown

 
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