The Dallas Connection

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Ok, I am not sure why people HATE Sidaris films-personally I think the family are full geniuses and I think any exploitation fan would agree that when Russ Meyer stopped making films the world lost an auteur…that said the Sidaris family took their love of women and explosions and made a plethora of films to make up for it. Today we are going to discuss one of my personal favorites 1994’s: The Dallas Connection!

Ok, if you have seen any of the Sidaris’ films you know what you are getting into and The Dallas Connection doesn’t break the mold. It starts with all 6’1 of resident Malibu Films (The Sidaris Family film company) girl: Julie Strain (as The Black Widow) seducing and killing some dude, (my personal favorite): Julie K Smith (as Cobra) killing some dude AND finally Wendy Hamilton (as Scorpion) killing some dude. After these ladies kill their way around the world they all convene back at their headquarters (which happens to be a strip club they all work at-when they aren’t killing) in Dallas. Cut to Washington, D.C. where we find out the men killed earlier by our deadly trio where all scientists who held 1/4th of some secret code for some x-ray type of satellite thing that could help the government fight terrorists…or something…now it is up to some agents from I/WAR (some division of the government we have never heard of) to protect the fourth scientist (played by the ever so fucked up looking: Rodrigo Obregon) from the lethal ladies…Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall), Mark Austin (Mark Barriere) and Samantha Maxx (Sam Phillips) and a couple other dudes not worth mentioning are said “heroes”… Anyway, after many soft-core sex scenes, several shower/stripping scenes, crazy switcharoo plot twists and Julie Strain S & M kung fu hijinks The Dallas Connection will leave you with a smile on your face and wishing you had Julie K. Smith’s home number.

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The real point of this film is the eye candy thrown at us, the viewer in the form of the hunky dudes and the larger than life actresses that portray the lethal ladies. The dudes look how you’d expect them to look, chiseled jaws/abs and look like they stepped off the pages of playgirl and it’s not a surprise that the girls have all appeared in Penthouse and/or Playboy magazine in the early 90’s. Now it would be a shame of me to NOT mention their “talents”…the guys all act wooden and the girls act like they are reading cue cards-that is except for Julie Strain who is probably the most well known here (I mean seriously, how do you NOT know who Ms. Strain is?) AND Julie K. Smith who is one of the most beautiful women to ever be filmed…if you don’t believe me, google her name and thank me later. Either way, Oscar winners here you wont find, good TNA mixed with ultra cheese is what you WILL find-and dare I say Russ Meyer would be proud.

Say what you want about Malibu Films but the Sidaris’ love things that look good…scenery, explosions and hot dudes/voluptuous women. More time is obviously spent on how these films look rather than story line…but really who cares? It’s like a comic book come to life and that is good enough for anyone to enjoy a carefree 94 minutes, no? Yes. So if you have some time to kill and are looking for some over the top action and TNA, grab a bag of Doritos, sit on the couch in your underwear and bust out a copy of The Dallas Connection-you wont be disappointed.

Charlie “Remind me not to have sex with you” Brown

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~ by exploitnation on March 2, 2008.

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