Bikini Carwash Company

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My guess is as good as yours, and it’s not because I am drunk right now, but really, why do they not make movies like Bikini Carwash Company anymore? Imagine a T & A movie worthy of the title of an 80’s T & A film but made in 1992 and you have today’s feature.

Written by George Flower (Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl-A-Rama and Takin’ it all off) and directed by Ed Hansen (Robo-Chic and Eroticise) 1992’s Bikini Carwash Company took the trophy for “films that were made a decade too late”. Let’s examine this piece of celluloid, shall we?

There is Jack (Joe Dusic) a loser from Idaho who moves to California to work with his uncle at his in-the-red carwash. I guess the carwash business isn’t what it used to be and uncle Elmer (Patrick Wright) has made Jack “acting owner” for the summer in hopes of generating some profits for the summer. Somehow Jack hooks up with uber-hottie Melissa (Kristi Ducati), who thinks she can get a lot of money out of him so her and her friends can score some serious summer cash-since he is the owner and all. The funny part about this, is that all Jack does is fucking complain about how much money he DOESN’T have. Melissa and Jack then come up with an idea to make more money for the car wash—only if Jack agrees to give them a large portion of the profits. Hence “Bikini Carwash” is open for business. Some legal issues arrive, more shitty music is played over plastic breast montages, there is a weird subplot about a flasher and sadly, Corey Feldman is nowhere to be seen. Oh Bikini Carwash Company how I long for more movies like thee.

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Released in both an R and Unrated version, Bikini Carwash Company is the kind of movie you NEED to see unrated. “Why?” you ask? Well, fuck, its called “Bikini Car Wash Company” what the fuck are you expecting? There are a lot of sex scenes, there are a lot of girls in bikinis and a lot of dated heavy metal (even for ’92 standards)softly playing over every scene. Bikini Carwash Co is the kind of movie even playboy playmates wouldn’t touch, instead you get a slew of girls hotter than any airbrushed phony playmate (tan lines included) wearing (well, sometimes wearing) string bikini’s that defy gravity. Call me sexist, call me a pig, but everyone loves a hot naked/semi-naked girl and if you don’t you are lying to yourself. Fire me if you want, don’t read my reviews, I don’t care, it’s fine, but seriously, films like this just aren’t made anymore and NEED to be resurrected. Think about THAT next time you are looking for a remake to fuck with (Halloween, TCM, Black Christmas, etc.) Everything comes back around, and it’s just a matter of time before something like American Pie comes back into mainstream film again to make T & A acceptable for half of a decade again.

Don’t fuck with my T & A, just bring it back so I don’t have to live in the previous decades…please?

Charlie “Get away from me and my tits” Brown

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~ by exploitnation on March 7, 2008.

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