Basic Training

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Vestron Video, I love you.

In the 80’s Vestron Video supplied me with all the naked women I would ever need. 20 years later I spend my Friday nights drinking martinis and watching these old classics…again. If horror movies are the blood running through my veins, than T & A movies from the 80’s are the heart that pumps the blood through my body. So, grab a martini, turn up the air conditioner and join me for a viewing of Andrew Sugarman’s 1985 trash fest: Basic Training.

Basic Training starts off simple enough with “Melinda” (Ann Dusenbery) a small town girl from Ohio, who decides to go stay with her friend, “Debbie” (Rhonda Shear) in Washington while Melinda searches for an apartment of her own. Enter the comic genius “Cheryl” (the ever so sexy Angela Aames-the hot mom from the opening of “Bachelor Party”) as Debbie’s roommate and in about 30 seconds Cheryl and Debbie decide that they are not only going to let Melinda live with them, they are also going to get Melinda a job at the pentagon….and literally, EVERYONE is having sex at the pentagon – it’s awesome. Melinda is offered a job on the spot, works for a couple of hours then heads out bar hopping with her hot roommates, they meet some lawyers, then they all pair off to fuck. Melinda is the square one who doesn’t hook up with her guy; Michael, (Marty Cohen, who looks like a poor man’s Lou Ferrigno) even after he just randomly takes off his pants. That move never worked for me either. Anyway, after a hot 80’s aerobic scene Melinda starts to think that her job is a joke and she never does anything but fight off advances by her boss, Lt. Cranston (Will Nye), Debbie & Cheryl agree with Melinda but like it that way. After a bumbling cleaning lady (Cyntha Frost) wipes out the pentagon’s files on Russia’s defense system, the head ups freak out and think they have a spy in their midst. Melinda then gets fired because she refuses to hook up with Lt. Cranston and goes home to wallow with Debbie & Cheryl. Debbie then convinces Melinda to turn the tables on Cranston to get her job back, and “serve her country” by coming on strong to her former boss. Melinda makes an obscene phone call to Cranston, he jerks off, she gets her job back, and then decides that she is going to use her sex appeal to reorganize the government (!!!) Melinda snares her way into a party for a Russian ambassador in an attempt to get the info that was lost regarding Russia’s defense system. The ambassador, (Walter Gotell) takes a liking in Melinda, kidnaps her, and she strips her way to finding out all of Russia’s defensive secrets. She basically saves the U.S by getting naked. It’s stupid, but miss this movie and you’ll never know what “Operation Sky Beaver” means.

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Curious aren’t you? Just go rent Basic Training and thank me later.

Dusenbery is obviously the “star” of this movie (as she is in virtually every scene), however the real stars here are Rhonda “Up all night” Shear & Angela Aames. Dusenberry tries real hard to be a serious actress and considering she went on to star in TV crap like “Remington Steele” and “Murder she wrote” it’s no wonder she hasn’t worked since 1992. Shear & Aames take the movie for what it is worth and when they are not taking off their clothes or delivering the only funny lines in the movie, they are almost winking at the camera every time either one of them is on screen. Shear went on to host USA’s “Up All Night” show, and Aames went into bodybuilding before she unexpectedly died in 1988, the cause Heart Disease.

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Basic Training doesn’t break any new ground; it’s exactly what you think it is…an 80’s T & A comedy with a subtle hint of a romantic comedy. The thing that makes a movie like Basic Training still watch-able 20 years later is simple: movies like this just aren’t made anymore. In the age of “No nudity” clauses, political correctness and post 9/11 fear there is no room for stupid movies like this that aren’t a poor spin off of the American Pie series starring the current playmate of the month. Sure, we can rent the latest straight to video piece of shit that promises laughs, takes itself too serious and doesn’t deliver, but why bother when you can rent this piece of shit, which doesn’t take itself too serious and you will sort of laugh…or at least feel nostalgic for a time when someone (male or female) didn’t get paid a million dollars to take off their clothes.

Charlie “I live by the three F’s” Brown

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~ by exploitnation on March 12, 2008.

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