Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy

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Since the first time I saw Shari Eubanks in Russ Meyer’s Supervixens, I began a hunt for her only other feature film: Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy. For years I scoured ebay.com looking for a copy, about two weeks ago I found a copy, paid an outrageous amount of money for it, and wow am I ever an idiot….

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Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy (1976) opens with a group of sexy navy chicks hanging out in their barracks talking about their breasts! Awesome, right? Nope…read on….Other than “Chesty” (the stunning Shari Eubanks) we have “Pucker” (Marcie Barkin), “Coco” (Roseanne Katon) and Cynthia “Baby” Anderson (Chesty’s sister, played by actress Connie Hoffman). After the girls are forced to participate in a karate class, they head out to a bar to celebrate one of their birthdays. At the bar we meet a 3 feet tall bartender named “Stretch” (who sadly isn’t even credited, but looks slightly like Hervé Villechaize) and “Sexy Ben” (Scatman Crothers who other than his 5 minutes of screen time is never talked about again). After a ridiculous dance segment, Chesty & Baby are walking back to the barracks, and then surprisingly get attacked by some dudes who then kidnap Baby and proceed to kill her in a garbage disposal! Why you ask? Well, we find out that Baby was involved with a Senator (George Cooper) and some incriminating photos have forced the Senator to have Baby killed. Chesty and her friends go on a pointless hunt for the killers, have some inane cat fights, show some random T & A, (none of which are from Eubanks-what the fuck?) and participate in some boring pseudo 70’s “action”….and I use the word “action” here very loosely. The girls then hook up with the Senator and do some lame undercover work, Chesty has a love affair with an FBI Agent named “Peter” (a pudgy Fred Willard), who is working for the Senator, explains to Peter she thinks the senator had something to do with Baby’s death. Peter digs Chesty so he says he will be on her side and “help” her, but does little to “help” until the end of the film. A lame car chase scene follows, the Senator gets fucked over by the hit men he hired in the first place, the girls get kidnapped, Peter and his crew sort of save them, and one of the hit men kills himself while jabbering in Italian. It’s fucking stupid, boring, pointless and a waste of 83 minutes.

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This movie was more disappointing than Spider-Man 3. After at least ten years of wanting to see this movie, I guess there is no way it could deliver what I expected, but I certainly would never have guessed it would have been THIS bad. The acting is flat, everyone seems bored or confused as if they have no idea what kind of movie they are in. It doesn’t surprise me; I don’t think even director Ed Forsyth knew what kind of movie he was making. At times it feels like a action-exploitation film, then a women in prison film (if prison was the navy), and then a romantic comedy – but all in all it comes across as a bad version of “The Happy Hooker goes to the Navy”….and personally, I LIKE the Happy Hooker films. If you have seen Eubanks in Supervixens then I guarantee you’ll be like me and you’ll do anything to track down a copy of this film, but seriously, it isn’t worth it and I am not surprised Eubanks retired from acting after this movie. If you come across this in a store and you are curious, rent it on VHS (you wont find it on DVD). Because of it’s age you would be better off looking at a Mom & Pop store – if you ask the teenager at Blockbuster for this piece of shit I am sure they wont know what they fuck you are talking about (and if they do, what are they doing working at Blockbuster?)…but seriously, if you want your Shari Eubanks fill, watch Supervixens and forget you ever heard of Chesty Anderson US Navy.

Charlie “Would you mind taking that phallic symbol out of my face” Brown

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~ by exploitnation on March 31, 2008.

7 Responses to “Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy”

  1. Jesus christ, mr. Brown! You are the only living human that I know of that have actually seen this movie. Just like you, I´ve been lusting after this one since I first saw “Supervixens” back in High School. Right now I´m feeling a strange sensation of sadness (since the film obviously sucks) and a relief (cuz I can stop hunting this obscure item). Thanks!

  2. Yeah dude, it broke my heart. I would have been better off not watching it cause then at least I would have my fantasy of what it should have been like 😦

  3. I know exactly what you mean… there´s no greater heartache than the disappointment of seeing a film you´ve been chasing for years, that didn´t live up to the images you´ve created in your mind. The breaking up of relationships and passing of loved ones bares no equal to this… It´s heartwrenching, to say the least. It´s a cold and dark world out there…

  4. I am sure there is a Shari Eubanks unearthed gem somewhere…

  5. It would be interesting to know whatever happened to Ms. Eubanks. She came blazing onto the screen in “Supervixens”, then appeared in “Chesty Anderson” only to disappear without a trace. I wonder what happened. Did she become so disillusioned with the movie industry? I´ve never ever read an interview or anything like that. I have a biography of Russ meyer at home but I haven´t gotten around to reading it yet. Maybe there´s a mention of her in there. Does anyone have any ideas about what happened to her?

  6. From the research I have done it looks like she is a teacher in Chicago, IL.

  7. Well, she has to pretty old now but I would have given pretty much ANYTHING to have had her as a teacher back in a day. Actually, that sounds like a premise for a film she should have starred in. Imagine the trailer: “Do you wanna be the teacher´s pet? Shari Eubanks in…”. Why the hell didn´t anyone make that one?

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