My Tutor

If you know anything about my relationship with film, then you know that I am obsessed with 1980’s T & A flicks. Well, imagine my reaction when I picked up a copy (VERY FUCKING CHEAP) of the 1983 classic; My Tutor? Man oh man, all I could think about was the late nights I stayed up thinking about Caren Kaye and Kitten Natividad…well I guess it’s time I share the finer things in life with you, my faithful readers…Here we go…

My Tutor starts off as most T & A fests do, we meet our gaggle of loser dudes looking to get laid; Crispin Glover as Jack, Clark Brandon as Billy, and the leader of the pack the too-hunky-to-be-a-geek Bobby (Matt Lattanzi). So it turns out that Billy is loaded, he is flunking French, and his asshole dad, (Kevin McCarthy) has hired the best French tutor money could buy…the gorgeous Caren Kaye. For whatever reason Bobby is pissed off because his summer vacation (which consists only of various ways that he tries to get laid) is cut short because he has to spend so much time on French lessons…that is until he catches Terry (Kaye) skinny dipping in the family pool and suddenly he doesn’t mind the lessons. Bonjour! After some lame French lessons, and some hot aerobic scenes, it’s obvious there is a spark between Terry & Bobby but when their first “date” is interrupted by Terry’s ex boyfriend, Don (Bruce Bauer) there is trouble in French lesson paradise…. but not for long, because soon enough Terry and Billy are talking French during the days and fucking all night long. Hot stuff! After Terry refuses advances from Billy’s dad, AND Terry’s ex all hell breaks loose…sort of…and there is this weird sub plot about astronomy…yeah…astronomy.

Ok, I am not going to lie to you…My Tutor is a love story in a T & A disguise…Once Billy and Terry hook up, the cheesy music starts up, the sex scenes become soft focused, and Terry wears a lot more clothes than she did in the first half of the film. That said, I mean, there is a lot of nudity in that first half, so don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely worth the viewing-if that’s all you care about (like me?)

The soundtrack is a weird fucked up mix of left over disco, bad 80’s cover band style “rock” and a lot of soft dentist chair style of music that typically plays every time Billy & Terry fuck. At least the nudity makes up for the taste of vomit you’ll feel in the back of your throat.

In all honesty though, I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point My Tutor is remade, with half (if any) the amount of nudity and starring some up and coming WB star. It has that kind of feel to it. A “timeless” feel (if you will), or a story that could be told over and over with a different cast, you know the type…Can’t buy me love, Just one of the guys, Flesh Gordon meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders…oh, wait, scratch that last one.

Oh, and at NO point does anyone break out into a Beatles song, but Crispin Glover is still really weird/awesome.

Charlie” Come over here my little Bambino, climb the mountain” Brown

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~ by exploitnation on June 21, 2008.

2 Responses to “My Tutor”

  1. I like the fact that the cover has the film marketed as a “Crown international classic”. Does this really qualify as a classic? You can´t go wrong with Crispin Glover, though. The man is a genius.

  2. Crown is fucking priceless man.

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